“Most often, heartbroken people are unknowingly grieving a loss or trauma rooted in childhood or adolescence. That’s because we tend to fall in love with people who remind us of those who care for us – even badly – when we were young and totally vulnerable.” —Martha Beck
I think Martha’s right. But I think we also tend to seek out friends, jobs and employers who also remind us of those who cared for us – even badly – when we were young and vulnerable. I call them shadow relationships …

“Oh Dad, it’s just a little bit of cursing. It’s not bad.” Six heads nodded in agreement. No sex. No nudity. No gore. Just some mild swearing. Maybe the “f” word once or twice. At the head of the table “Dad” listened intently.
“You said it had some really good lessons?” he asked.
I watched as the teen-agers looked at each other – a bit shocked that their conservative father might actually be considering letting them see an “R” rated film.
“Well, I guess you all are old enough now to start thinking …

Two weeks after 10-year old Sarah’s parents told her she couldn’t have a dog Sarah bought a small little collar. It was pink with rhinestones. The rhinestones captured her heart like only rhinestones in the eyes of a tween can. She clipped the price tag off and threw away the receipt.
“You know you can’t return it if you do that,” I said.
“I’m not going to return it,” she said smugly.
A week later she picked out a name.
“I know what you’re up to Sarah,” her mother told her. “And it’s not …

I’m writing a magazine article for Airstream Life, and another for submission to The New Yorker (are you listening NY?) I recently interviewed one of the van drivers at NASA about being a shuttle driver for the Airstream Astrovan. One of his off handed comments fascinated me and made me think:
They have walked on the moon, walked in space, orbited the earth, touched the universe in ways none of us ever will. They strap themselves onto rockets, endure incredible G-forces, risk their lives, leave their families, risk …