My friend Christina makes magnets and t-shirts with awesome and thoughtful sayings. My favorite is, “I’m not her anymore.” Thanks to Facebook and the internet it’s entirely possible to find almost anyone from our past - or for them to find us.

A friend from college and another acquaintance from high school found me last week. Their lives had taken a radical departure from what they assumed they’d be in school, but they expected me to be the same person I was when I saw them 30+ years ago. Here’s a hint from Christina’s magnet: “I’m not her anymore.” I’ve changed. I’ve grown. I’ve picked up new skills. I’ve recreated my life. I’ve learned what I like and what I don’t like. I have opinions, boundaries and abilities far, far beyond what I had and who I was even a year or two ago. Going back 30+ years I don’t think even I would recognize that woman. They had changed dramatically, but assumed I had not. It didn’t take long for them to realize that I was no longer the shy, afraid to speak to anyone person I’d been in school. The jury is still out on whether we like the “NEW” selves we are - because we’re all so different. We really are different people, new people.

People who treated me like a doormat 30 years ago and look me up online, often assume I’m still lying horizontal on the floor with a “Welcome, Tread On Me” sign stamped on my forehead. They’re really pissed off when they realize I haven’t been a doormat for some time. Too bad. So sad. I understand why they make those assumptions.

Some people don’t grow and change - and it’s best to check that out before making assumptions. I’ve been in touch with many people I knew in high school and they haven’t really changed. They’re older versions of themselves as teenagers. They’re still consumed with gossiping, clothes, who’s married to whom and the money chase. They never took time out to question what they believed, or why. They have the same friends now that they did in high school and college. They’re living in the same town, doing the same job, bitching about the same stuff. Nothing wrong with that - except they assume I didn’t change either.

I’ve also found people I knew, but who I had nothing in common with 30 years ago. Now we’re suddenly locked in step with shared interests on all fronts. Our lives have taken similar paths and we’re both writers, or artists or entrepreneurs now. A friend who hated camping 20 years ago now can’t get enough of it. She tracked me down to let me know that. She expressed regret at being such a drag when I tried to get her excited about it in college. “I guess I just wasn’t ready,” she confessed. We change.

The things I was so passionate about in my 20’s pale in comparison to what I love now. I don’t understand people who haven’t grown, or examined their faith, or their beliefs, or their reality. If you’re happy with your lot in life and haven’t shifted gears since grade school, or even college, I’m happy for you. But I don’t understand it.

But for those of you who take time to look me up, I’ve changed. If we haven’t spoken in six months or a year even, I’ve changed. I’m growing and morphing at light speed - especially recently. It’s been a rush and I’m loving it.

So next time you take time to “catch up” with people, ask them - really ask them - “What’s different now?” You may be surprised to find they embody Christina’s magnet too. And while you’re at it, ask yourself - are YOU the same person you were five years, three years or even a year ago? I hope not. I hope you’re better, wiser, older, more mature, more insightful, more balanced and more at peace. It’s a start.