December is probably the only time of year people will tolerate, albeit some with gritted teeth, talk of God and Jesus Christ. After all, the whole manager scene IS what Christmas is about. But this year I’m going to do something unusual. I’m going to talk about what really went on and the back story of Christmas. You know - UFO’s, giants, spirits, demons, the galactic battle between good and evil. It’s all stuff the mainstream church doesn’t talk about. Jesus wasn’t just a sweet little baby born in a stable so he could wander around the middle east preaching peace and saying “Don’t.” The birth of Jesus (to those of us who believe) was the birth of the most powerful ruler of the universe. Being a story teller, I hate that people don’t see the real story - the powerful story - about what is happening in the world right now. That means yes, why the UFOs are appearing almost daily around the world, what the earthquakes, economy and wars mean. It’s a fascinating story - even if you aren’t sure what you believe.

The mainstream or “popular church” has their version of the story of the world, which I loathe since it’s not generally biblically or historically accurate. The Bible has the real story, but it doesn’t get told because people don’t generally read the Bible. It’s easier to let someone else “summarize” it and spoon feed it to them. That’s why we have all the homeless, poverty-stricken blond Jesus with long hair, sparse beard, wimpy Christ photos and images. Those are inaccurate - well, downright wrong actually. Jesus was a high-ranking member of society, wealthy, respected and probably very muscular, with short black hair and no beard. (more on that later)

The other thing the popular church doesn’t talk about are the UFOs, the race of giants that inhabited the earth during the time of Noah, and the angels that “fell” from heaven, came to earth, mated with human women who gave birth to giants. When those giants died, their spirits (not souls) were released and became the entities we call “demons” today. They can inhabit humans, animals and some believe, inanimate objects. Christianity - the REAL Christianity told in the Bible IF you actually read it - reads more like the Matrix, Star Wars and Harry Potter all rolled into one epic action story that we’re all a part of RIGHT NOW! But, like the Muggles in Harry Potter, or Neo in The Matrix, only a handful of us actually know what’s really happening. And it’s not what the corner church is telling you.

For instance, the church doesn’t make it clear that Jesus was TWO YEARS OLD when the “Wise men” showed up. In any Christmas play you get the three wise men showing up at the stable, hanging out with the Shepherds while waiting for Mary to sit up holding Jesus swaddled in cotton blankets. Not how it happened. The Magi didn’t roll into town for TWO years. They found Jesus at his parent’s HOME, not in the manger. Jesus was a toddler when they met him. And that whole “THREE” wise men? No. You think King Herod freaked over three men wandering into Jerusalem looking for a baby? No. The “wise men” weren’t just glorified palm readers in purple turbans strolling into a manager to drop off a box of chocolates. These dudes were seriously important people. They didn’t pull up in a pick-up truck. They came rolling into Jerusalem with a contingent of warriors, servants and staff, camels, probably donkeys, goats and livestock. It was probably the biggest thing that happened in Jerusalem in awhile.

Herod got nervous because here was a small army of powerful strangers, including the magi themselves, famous for their magic, wisdom and the art of studying the stars to discern the future. The magi were from the sacred caste of the Medes. The Magi provided priests for Persia and maintained their power in the world regardless of who was in charge. Think of them like Jedi Knights of old. Buddha was from one of the Median tribes of Magi for instance.

They were powerful people and they essentially cruised into town with camels, guards, military might and whatever goats and livestock needed to sustain them and theirs for the 2,000 mile, journey they’d undertaken. If you figure a camel can travel 25 miles a day, and you assume travel, setting up and breaking down camp, feeding everyone and so on, you’re looking at a trip of at least a couple of months. This wasn’t hopping into the family van and going away for the weekend. They were traveling with “gifts for a king” - gold, frankincense and myrrh. Myrrh was worth more than five times the value of gold, and frankincense wasn’t cheap either.

There were robbers on the road then and they needed protection, and they needed food. There were no McDonalds or restaurants - so they’ve got to carry food and water for them and their guards and servants. So, imagine you’re King Herod and this huge contingent of men, animals, people and Shamans or spiritually powerful wise men roll into town looking for “The King of the Jews.” If you’re the King it’s not going to sit well with you. You can’t exactly invite yourself along on their journey, so you say, “Yeah, I’d like to worship this King too. Let me know when you find him.” Which is what Herod did.

But an angel appeared to the Magi and warned them not to return to tell Herod anything, and they didn’t. Strange? Not really. These were men who studied the stars, astronomers and priests - men who dealt in spiritual realms. Angels in their dreams were probably not unusual.

So, the whole sweet Christmas thing of three men on camels strolling into Jerusalem with a sack of presents for a newborn - makes good church theatre, but the back story is WAAAAAAYYYY more interesting than that! I hope you stick around and read my December posts. I promise - they’ll be interesting, controversial and open to debate from many I’m sure. But you won’t be bored!!