“Most often, heartbroken people are unknowingly grieving a loss or trauma rooted in childhood or adolescence. That’s because we tend to fall in love with people who remind us of those who care for us – even badly – when we were young and totally vulnerable.” —Martha Beck
I think Martha’s right. But I think we also tend to seek out friends, jobs and employers who also remind us of those who cared for us - even badly - when we were young and vulnerable. I call them shadow relationships …

It was a rude shock to realize today that I’m still addicted. The things spam can do.
Some people call those emails “The Pottery Barn specials,” or “The Container Store bargains”. I call them “Container Porn.” I thought I’d managed to unsubscribe from them, but one snuck through the spam filter today and triggered my container addiction. As part of my 12-step program I readily admit I am powerless over containers. Seriously. If time, space and money allowed, I’d be swimming in boxes, crates, and matching file folders.
In a past …

The screams of 10-year olds travel far. And like all mothers in the animal kingdom, especially those in the human kingdom, a mother of pre-tweens can single out the wail of her children across the expanse of a public swimming pool of wall-to-wall floats, bodies and shrieking girls without batting an eye.
“Oh no,” she said. “Christopher’s been hurt. She sighed – interrupting our conversation and turning to look over her shoulder at the pool.
“How can you hear anything?” I said listening to the roar of kids, splashing and whistles …

“Oh Dad, it’s just a little bit of cursing. It’s not bad.” Six heads nodded in agreement. No sex. No nudity. No gore. Just some mild swearing. Maybe the “f” word once or twice. At the head of the table “Dad” listened intently.
“You said it had some really good lessons?” he asked.
I watched as the teen-agers looked at each other - a bit shocked that their conservative father might actually be considering letting them see an “R” rated film.
“Well, I guess you all are old enough now to start thinking …

Two weeks after 10-year old Sarah’s parents told her she couldn’t have a dog Sarah bought a small little collar. It was pink with rhinestones. The rhinestones captured her heart like only rhinestones in the eyes of a tween can. She clipped the price tag off and threw away the receipt.
“You know you can’t return it if you do that,” I said.
“I’m not going to return it,” she said smugly.
A week later she picked out a name.
“I know what you’re up to Sarah,” her mother told her. “And it’s not …