I work with a lot of really brilliant and amazing people. Some of them are friends, some are clients, some are both.

There are days I wake up and wonder how I got so lucky. They’re not all “Oprah or Dr. Phil level” famous, but they should be.

They’re just really, really, really wise people. Most of them blog and every once in a while, actually on a regular basis, they post information that rocks my world. Today one of them, Lorraine Esposito, (who I hired as my own coach last year) posted a “Tip of the Week” article today on guilt and expectations. It’s not long. It’s basic, but it launched me into my own self-examination process because it was so straightforward.

Maybe it’s just me, just the timing, just what I needed to hear right now, but I thought it was a great post. You can read it yourself here: http://peacemaker-coach.com/Tip-of-the-Week.html.

She’s talking about how we feel guilt when we don’t meet other people’s expectations. Sound familiar? I tied myself in knots and laid in bed and cried all month from the guilt I felt over having pneumonia (out of my control) and not being able to work most of the month.

Each time I started to feel a little better I’d work, relapse and collapse. I was so frustrated. Then I said, “No more. My health is more important than work.” I may have lost some clients, but I really don’t care. I’m more important….if I don’t take care of me I’ll never be able to work. So this was SOOOOOO timely. Here’s a sample. Lorraine writes:

The Problem: Too many people live in a state of conflict. The conflict?:

Other People’s Values (expectations) vs. Their OWN Values (standards).

A few examples of conflict:

• Spending money on yourself when others expect your charity, generosity, abstinence, etc.

• Spending time on yourself when other expect sacrifice, service, help, etc.

• Saying ‘no’ when others expect you to say ‘yes’

• Needing help to satisfy personal needs-even basic ones like food, love, attention, respect-when others expect you to be a bootstrapper

I felt definite conflict when I was sick and had commitments to friends and clients. Friends (for the most part) understood and wished me well and graciously went on without me. Clients, not so much. That’s where I struggled.

I made the commitment and needed and wanted to honor it, but how to do that when I’m spending most of my day wondering whether to go the emergency room because I can barely breathe? Reading her post woke me up. I had no standards and scrambled to meet other people’s expectations without even trying to renegotiate them based on an unforeseen and unavoidable conflict.

2012 is my year to keep affirming my boundaries, but also to start creating standards and expectations! Join me. Make your own list of standards and expectations. See if it changes your life.