It’s a funny thing about the word “No.” Some people have no ear for it. They’re blind and deaf and never seem to get it or hear it. Or if they hear it, they don’t listen. They keep charging onward like bulls in a china shop, destroying more relationships and opportunities in the process. So let’s recap something. When someone tells you they no longer want to be your friend, or your partner, or your buddy, or your business partner and you can’t resolve things at that stage, then it’s over. Deal with it.

If you’re the person who wants out, make that clear. Don’t just disappear. After months of tolerating disrespect, abuse and people taking us for granted our tendency is still one of feeling guilty for walking away. It’s NOT your fault! Tell the person “This isn’t working for me and I’m leaving. I don’t want to engage with you any more, so please don’t contact me.” End it.

“No, I don’t want to be your friend/business partner/buddy/sidekick,” means, “I want nothing to do with you. I don’t want to respond to your emails, phone calls or letters, so I’m not and I won’t, no matter how many you send or make. I don’t want to waste time arguing with you because I know you’re really just feeding your drama addiction and have no desire to change, apologize, move on or get help.”

When given the chance to engage, talk, work out things, share, debate, relate and be engaged in the relationship prior to your decision to leave, chances were your abuser wasn’t interested. They kept being abusive. If they could have changed, they would have. Change doesn’t happen overnight. If they get help and spend 2-6 years in hard, dedicated therapy, they could change. But let them do it. In the meantime, get on with your life. It’s passing. Every minute spent feeling guilt, loss, regret or sadness over leaving is a minute you don’t have to spend feeling joy, happiness and wonder at the people who could be in your life loving and appreciating you.

Narcissists, passive-aggressives, bullies, butt-heads and bad bosses are poison. Quit ingesting their toxic energy. Say “No.” Leave. And having left, don’t look back. SO much more awaits you down the road. If you feel sorry for them (and yes, they are pathetic), then realize that your leaving may be the straw that kicks them in the teeth and shows them that they can’t keep acting like they do and keep generous, loving people like you in their lives for any length of time. Your leaving may be the thing that saves them. Then again, they may never get it. And if they don’t, you’re better off for having left when you did.

Don’t believe just me. Dr. Henry Cloud has an awesome book called: Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward. He outlines and explains why endings are good things. Without those “necessary endings” we’d all be still crawling on all fours, married to the first person we dated and driving the first car we bought. Read the book if you’re having trouble leaving that toxic relationship. If you are the toxin, read it too. It may be time to get help.