Not everyone has what it takes to get to the top, to climb the ladder, or to succeed as an entrepreneur, author or stand-alone success. It’s hard work and not everyone is cut out for it. But those of us who love the challenge keep trying and we help those around us who are willing to risk as well.

I work with a lot of people because I believe in them, not because they’re paying me. Most aren’t. Many of us mentor others. It’s rewarding to watch someone take what you’ve said or done to help them and then apply that knowledge and go on to succeed. I LOVE it! But sometimes we help the wrong person. “Wrong,” because the person wants to succeed, but is afraid to do the work, or doesn’t want to do the work, or doesn’t believe they are capable of doing the work.

Like my tomato plants and flowering vines, once you’re not there to support them and be the foundation holding them up, they collapse and die. And, all the fruit and potential for fruit (success) now lays on the ground rotting. They just don’t have the structure, faith, job or personal skills or skill set, or strength to succeed. Some of them will figure it out down the road - maybe years or even decades later. Some never will. They’ll continue to wonder what went wrong, or try to blame others or even you, for their failure.

If you’ve invested time, energy and resources into someone and then walk away to tend to your own business, it’s discouraging to see them collapse. However, unless they are mentally, physically or otherwise disabled and they are your formal legal responsibility, it’s not up to you to save them, or rescue them.

We’re all adults here. Each one of us is responsible for our own work, income, bills, and lives. You can’t control what other people say or think about you or about their perception of why they’re failing. But you can learn to identify who to help and who not to help.

Signs someone you’re mentoring might not have what it takes to succeed as an entrepreneur.

• When you give them suggestions, directions or lists of things they need to do they don’t follow up, or don’t come back to you with the results and to debrief and learn from their actions.
• They always wait for direction from you and rarely or never take the initiative to do their own thing.
• They’re afraid of failure and hide their failures rather than discuss them. They may even deny they failed when it’s obvious they did.
• When you can’t do things for them they don’t do anything at all. Rather than risk and fail they do nothing.
• They don’t own their own failure. If something doesn’t work, goes wrong or gets delayed they blame you.
• They want to assign blame rather than figure out solutions.
• They don’t value your time.
• They take you for granted, assuming you’ll be there to “fix” everything. They don’t expend their own time, energy or resources beyond their own comfort level.
• They don’t ask for what they need.
• They play the victim, the martyr or the “wronged” one.

Like I said. Not everyone has what it takes to be an entrepreneur, or an author, or a stand alone success. It’s hard. That’s why there are so few people who do it. If you’re the coach, friend, co-worker, neighbor, boss, mentor or parent who has tried and failed to support someone who you think can, or could succeed and you finally see that they’re not doing what they need to do to help themselves, then walk away. You’re not being cruel. You’re setting boundaries, being responsible to and for yourself and you’re giving them another opportunity to figure out that they’re responsible for themselves, that you’re not.

They won’t like it. They’ll blame you, martyr themselves and launch themselves full-bore into their victim hood in order to do all they can to keep the blame of their failure off of themselves. You can’t control what others say about you, but you can control your response to it. If you’re a recovering co-dependent, as I am, the best you can do is walk away, and keep that person in your prayers because they need it. They’re in pain, suffering from the past events and relationships in their lives that keeps them fearful. Be kind, firm and honest, but don’t get sucked into defending your actions. They don’t care and can’t hear your side of things. They’re doing their best to keep their pain, shame and fear at bay. To them, having someone who is supporting them walk away, even for good reasons, is a replay of a failure in their past. You can’t change that. It’s up to them to deal with their own pain. Be compassionate and take care of you.