I feel this kid’s frustration. Don’t you? I just learned that telling people you want to be left alone because you’re working on something, in my case, a book–is like telling telling starving cats you’re giving away free sardines and tuna.

I haven’t figured out what part of “I’m busy for the next two weeks and am not seeing or talking to anyone who is not part of my book project,” sounds like, “Come hang out and help me waste lots of time.”

People I haven’t heard from in weeks, people who contact me semi-monthly, people who get the auto-responder, “I’m busy and won’t be around for two weeks,” are suddenly interested in getting together to rehash the summer and shoot the shit. It’s not that I don’t want to do that. I just don’t want to do it NOW.

I’m trying to understand if “I’m busy,” has the same energetic vibration of something like, four naked women fighting in the middle of an intersection at rush hour; or of dogs having sex outside a men’s college dorm on a Friday night; or the sound of a can opener at dinner time at a dog shelter.

When someone tells ME they’re busy, on deadline or unable to get together for two weeks I take them at their word. I disappear for two weeks and assume if they need something from me, they’ll call me. I don’t email, text, IM, call or annoy them every four hours asking if “they’re still busy,” or if they “just have a minute to do a four hour project–pro bono.”

When everyone I know went on vacation the last month I worked on other projects, talked to other people I met online and finished things so I could take this month off to write. But, being the communicator I am, I’m sensing that I need to be more specific. I don’t want to alienate anyone. I just want to finish my book, so here’s my list of things you can contact me about. If it’s not on this list, it can wait until September 1. You’ll notice that $$$ dominates the list.

That’s because I’m putting all my eggs in the “write it and they will buy it” basket so I can pay my editors and my rent. You can help by pre-ordering the book for .99 cents HERE. The first thousand people get all the books in the series (tentatively about 40) for free. The pre-order helps me get my ISBN numbers and pay for formatting and other costs (like food).

Not working on other projects this month means I’m eating a lot of noodles and instant soup and tuna. That’s okay. It’s part of the starving artist’s dues structure, de rigeuer for people who want to be famous writers. So, contact me before Sept 1 ONLY IF YOU HAVE:

1. A job. A PAYING job. A job that means I do the work and you pay me $125 an hour now, not when you “make it big,” or your ship comes in, or when you win the lottery. I’m looking at needing about 10 hours work between now and Sept. 1.

2. You actually won the lottery and want to share the joy and the cash.

3. You want to take me to dinner, or you want to pay for a pizza for me–long distance of course because you know I get hungry for real food. (Hint: There’s a donation button on the right of this blog. Pizza is $14 after taxes, soda and tip)

4. You were abducted by aliens and think the experience can be worked into my book.

5. I have called, emailed, text-ed or contacted you (You know who you are. Clients, co-editors, etc. included in this group.)

6. You have a car you want to donate or lend me for a few months.

7. You’re going to be on Oprah or go on a cruise and want someone to go with you, at your expense of course since my books haven’t sold YET.

That’s about the gist of it. I’m putting ME first for the next ten days, maybe 15 or even 20. I’ve waited 55 years to do it, and now’s the time. It’s nothing personal, but it is important that I finish these books. Thanks for understanding.