It occurred to me the other day, as I was cleaning out my van, doing laundry, reorganizing and what all, that I can’t see out the back of the van. I can’t look back. The only way I can look over my shoulder is when I’m driving and in a forward motion. Even then, I don’t stare, I “glance” back. Short. Sweet. Brief. Then focus on what’s in front of me.

I love those moments. My brain, which is on autopilot as I clean, sweep and restock, sparks to attention and says, “Hey, lesson here.” The only productive time to look back is when we need to be aware of what might be happening around us, or gaining on us AS WE ARE MOVING FORWARD. Rear view mirrors, the things we use to “look back,” aren’t designed for gazing steadily - not if we want to stay on the road anyway. They’re there for “glancing back,” for getting a sense of what’s happening, not for lingering and studying what’s past.

Maybe that’s a just a great metaphor, maybe it’s obvious. Maybe it’s not. It wasn’t for me until today anyway. I’ve been reading a lot of books on self-esteem, cognitive behavioral therapy, the power of our thoughts to alter our feelings and ultimately our reality. So it made sense my brain would latch onto this model.

I confess. My birthday is this month and I’ve been thinking about what I want to “let go,” of this year. I’ve decided to let go of the things and people that no longer serve my best interest. Some are incapable of being in an honest relationship. There are some liars, some users, some abusers. I’ve said no to them all. My new stock phrase is, “No, that doesn’t work for me right now.”

I’m just not going there anymore. They’ll have to find someone else to use, take for granted or abuse. I’m moving on. What about you? Are you looking forward more than back?