The cliche refers to a honeybee I’m sure, but the bees here in Virginia yesterday were mostly bumblebees. I spent most of the day “smelling the flowers,” and playing with my dog Koko, who’s now almost 10 years old, and in dog years that means she’s passed her life expectancy. Every day with her now is a gift. So every stick I toss that she can hobble after, or every time I pet her, give her a treat or just sit and hold her I am fully present. I don’t think (or try not to) “This might be the last day we have,” or “This might be the last stick I toss.” I’m preparing for her passing, but not dwelling in it. I don’t want to lose her before I lose her.

Koko

What’s that got to do with bees? Because they symbolize, for me - how most of us go through life - zipping from one flower to the next, sucking the nectar and moving on to the next. I watched these bees for a long time and this particular bee was different. He was huge - bigger than any of the others. And he rested. Yes. He rested. He’d go from one flower to the next, then just sit inside it, or on it. He did this for minutes at a time. He moved slowly for periods, then matched - almost, the move from flower to flower of the other bees. Maybe he’s old and dying too. But maybe he figured out that he can still get to a lot of flowers and enjoy the journey too. He’s done something right to reach the size - almost three times the size of the other honey bees - he has. He looked as black and shiny and healthy as the others. But he would climb on the outside of a flower and just seem to look around - turning one way, then the other.

I’m anthropomorphizing I know. But it’s what happens when you force yourself to stop and really look at the world around you. I did something else today too. I thought about what it is I want. What do I want for me? Not what does my family, friends, the world want - but who am I and what do I want? I didn’t have an answer. So I’m going to think about it until I do. It occurred to me that everything I’ve done up until now has largely been for the benefit of others. Now it’s time for me to meet my needs. That’s where Maslow came in and why I think he’s wrong. My need for self-actualization certainly outweighs my other needs. I tend to them, but am driven by the primary need - to experience self.

What about you? Are you as busy a bee, flitting from flower-to-flower? Or are you resting inbetween flowers and looking around as this guy did? Have you ever figured out exactly who YOU are and what YOU want? Are you living for someone else, or for self? How authentic are you and can you be really? Don’t have time to think about it? Maybe you should make time. I am. I’ll let you know how it goes.