When’s the last time you uttered those famous words, “C’mon. It’ll only take a minute?” and three hours or days or weeks later that task or project still wasn’t completed. The first time I remember hearing those words was from one of my first dates, a mechanic. I was 16 years old and we were supposed to go to dinner and a movie. I was to meet him at the gas station where he worked when he got off - around 5 p.m. to save time since it was closer to the theater and the restaurant. As I pulled up he was washing his hands on a rag, still in his greasy coveralls.

“I’m changing out a battery for a customer,” he said. “It’ll just take a minute.” If everything had gone as it should have it would have actually taken 5 minutes, but who’s counting? To change out a battery you loosen two bolts, remove the battery cables, pull the old battery, drop in the new one and replace the cables. Five minutes. I know that now. I’ve replaced dozens in my lifetime. But these cables were old and brittle. And for some reason I can’t remember he ended up having to replace an entire battery cable - something that involves a lot more work and crawling under the car. One of the posts on the old battery broke, meaning all kinds of cleanup and battery acid issues. Then the new battery wasn’t charged. Someone had unplugged the charger by mistake. Can’t rush a new charge. Three hours later he was still saying, “Just be a minute more.” We finally got to the movies, but not dinner. I was counting on dinner too and popcorn and a coke didn’t cut it.

On the way home we stopped for a hamburger and a chocolate shake - which I promptly spilled on the front seat of his car. I didn’t know he didn’t allow food in the car and he didn’t see the shake in my hand when I got in. He yelled at me about my ruining his carpet and was a jerk. That was our first and last date.

However, it was not the last time I heard “It’ll just take a minute.”

Maybe it’s because I’m older now - 55, and time isn’t something I have stretching out before me. My days are shorter because I don’t have the energy I did at 20, or even 30. Time is valuable to me - whether it is mine or someone else’s. So I now have a new rule. If said activity will only take a minute, I’ll allow for five (depending on the person and the situation), and then I’m done. I walk away. You’re finishing up paperwork? Fine. I’ll meet you at the restaurant.

When friends say, “Can you look at this letter for me and let me know what you think? It’ll only take a minute.” I say, “Well actually it’ll take closer to 15 or 30 minutes. You want me to read it, spot errors, think about it, formulate a response based on my professional experience and then communicate that to you along with my recommendations and suggestions and then review your changes and tell you if you got it right, right?” The answer is generally, “Yes.” I hate to be a hard ass, but that’s more than “a minute.” I don’t mind occasionally - but I have “friends and acquaintances” who send me stuff several times a week - sometimes several times a day. Mostly now I say no. They’re not respecting my time.

If I have to ask for a favor I over estimate the time it will take and I offer to pay or trade out that time. I try very hard to respect both my time and the time of others. I’m frustrated by the lack of the same respect. There are friends and clients and people I’m working with on projects that I’m willing to give more freely of my time to because I enjoy their company. That’s my choice. It’s not a given. It’s a gift. But if a project or conversation cuts into my work time I let them know I have to go. And mostly they’re okay with that. If they’re not - well, that’s their problem. I’ve been clear with my boundary.

Having a friend say, “I think I left the stove on, let me check before we leave, it’ll only take a minute,” is a reasonable request. Sure, it takes 3-10 minutes but it’s okay if it means the house won’t burn down and they have peace of mind the rest of the evening. Stopping to check their email on the way back out of the house after checking the stove, and getting caught up in a response to one of those emails and leaving me sitting in the car for 30 minutes is not okay.

Next time you ask someone to do something for you, DON’T say, “It’ll only take a minute,” unless that’s absolutely true. If you’re asking a friend for professional advice or a favor, tell them what you have, “I need someone to look over this letter and tell me if it’s okay. I don’t know how long that will take or what it will cost, but can you give me a ballpark figure or an estimate?” Leave it up to the person to tell you, “Let me see it, this should only take a minute.” Their minute (or 15 to 30) is theirs to give, not yours. If they say no, or they say, “I can get to it tomorrow,” or “it’ll take about 30 minutes and it’ll cost you $25,” then thank them and hire them, or not.

Time is valuable. If you don’t believe me, then think about it next time your boss hands you a project at 4:55 and says, “It’ll only take a minute,” and you have something planed for after work at 5:05.