IKEA, my most favorite EVER furniture store in the whole world keeps inviting me to “create my perfect IKEA bedroom.” And I really wish I could.

How do I explain to IKEA I live and work in only 400 square feet, which I share with an aging Rottweiler and enough junk to qualify me for a junior hoarder merit badge. Don’t worry. I checked. Since I actually throw away used q-tips, ear wax and gum wrappers and trash my fast food and pizza boxes once a week I’m not quite a hoarder. I actually suffer from the other extreme — Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Medication in the 90’s and being homeless for 16 months cured me of having everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING) at right angles and having to wipe down my entire apartment with bleach every four hours. However, I still have to have all my bookshelves, drawers and containers color-coordinated and mix-and-match or I lie awake nights in agony unable to sleep. Seriously. Once a store convinces me to buy ONE storage tower and I like it, I sell or give away all the others and buy more just like the one I love. I invested in a $25 shop-vac for the dog hair that blows everywhere…dog owners, I know you feel my pain. But speaking of storage…

Right now I’m huge fan of Office Depot’s 8-drawer tower. item #551328. I have six of them and they hold everything from office supplies to cooking stuff, canned goods and first aid stuff. They roll around, so I can line them against a wall to free up more space, then roll them out when I need to get to something. When I decide to move they’ll roll and store easily in a moving truck or storage unit. You do have to tape the hell out of them to move them cause they come apart if they’re full and you try to lift them, but I’m working on a solution to that. Anyway…

What I love about IKEA though is the idea this place could be a DREAM office/apartment/studio if I could empty it and then start over from scratch. Dream on. I’m still driving that 1975 van I lived in for almost three years. Sigh. It could use an IKEA makeover too.

Right now I’m taking a break from my cleaning frenzy. I’ve given up on the back room/bedroom and am just focusing on the bathroom/kitchen corner/office section (about 250 of the 400 square feet) when I realized how lucky I am to have all this space. After living in the van (89 square feet) and having to work in a library, coffee shop or sitting in the front seat of the van while I struggled to find a good wifi signal, I’m darn lucky. I’m warm or cool (depending on AC or heat). I have a bed, a door that locks behind me at night, my own shower, toilet and sink and a tiny, tiny kitchen. I have Internet (no television) and an address. I’m safe. I can shower when I want and I don’t worry about turning on lights at night and wondering if anyone saw me.

Once you’ve been homeless for an extended period of time you never take anything for granted again. I keep 24-rolls of toilet paper and 10 rolls of paper towels on hand because I can. When I was homeless I was lucky to afford one roll, let alone a spare.

I don’t hoard food, but I still buy bottled water by the case—habit I suppose. I don’t put much $$ into my surroundings because I learned to live simply in the van. The more “stuff” I had the less mileage I got and the harder it was to move around inside. So I now buy high quality items that will last, but I don’t buy a lot of “things”—just what I need to survive.

It doesn’t take much to make those of us who have gone without the bare essentials, a bed, a toilet, a shower and a roof over our heads where we feel safe extremely happy. I’m so grateful for it all. I feel blessed. Yes, I’d love a yard, a big garden, not a 2×8 raised bed strip of dirt, and a porch I could sit on in a neighborhood closer to town, but I’m rich with what I have.

Thanks IKEA. Keep sending the ads cause I LOVE your stuff, but for right now—I’m going to keep dreaming.