When I first began writing for pay I submitted 17 articles before I received my first rejection letter. I counted them because the Writer’s Market how-to book I considered my bible, spent a great deal of time talking about rejection letters.

I assumed I had to get at least 100 before I sold an article. So when everything I sent out sold, I was confused. After all, the Writer’s Market spent SOOOO much time reassuring writers and talking about the inevitable, soul-crushing rejection letters that I was getting nervous, wondering what I had done wrong because I WASN’T getting them!

As a matter of fact, everything I read about writing back then talked about rejection letters. The whole act of getting a rejection letter was a BIG DEAL. It hurt. It caused people to retreat into closets and sob. It drove many to suicide. I feared that first letter. I heard only horror stories about “the letter.” However, being rejected, apparently, is a rite of passage if you want to be a writer. EVERYONE gets rejected. EVERYONE. It means you’re putting yourself out there.

Yet, writers talk about rejection letters as though editors WANT to destroy writers. Most don’t. Some do, I’m sure - there are sociopaths in every field, but it’s only occasionally truly, truly personal. Given the off-base, un-researched and clueless query letters I’ve read as an editor there are times I’ve wanted to reach out and shake the writer and ask, “What were you THINKING?!” but, it was the letter, not them as a person I was upset with. Overall editors WANT you to have a great idea. It helps them. After all - they’re looking for good stories. It’s up to YOU to come up with the idea!

When I finally received that first rejection letter however my reaction was, “What the %*#@?” They liked the query and my clips they said, but it wasn’t quite what they were looking for. I went back and researched the magazine and the idea further, then I rewrote the query and sent it back. It was accepted the second time around. I just needed a different angle. NO BIG DEAL. I encountered the rejection letter and survived! After that I quit counting or keeping track of who rejected me or why. I had faced the “monster” and found it was the very big shadow of a very small mouse. It wasn’t personal. The publisher just couldn’t use my idea. They weren’t rejecting ME.

It was no different from me going to a store and NOT buying whatever the merchant was trying to sell me. It wasn’t personal. If I didn’t want what they were selling, I didn’t buy. I didn’t stop looking, but I knew what I wanted and kept looking for it. That’s what editors are doing. They WANT to buy, but they know WHAT they want to buy and they’re looking for it in every query letter. That realization took the sting and the fear out of submitting query letters and articles. I learned that the better I researched the market or publication, the more likely I was to be able to spot what they DID want and need and could sell them.

I remember the bare details of only one rejection letter - which was really just two scrawled lines and a signature I could barely make out, but still a nice and personal note from Stan Lee in the 1980’s (yes, the cartoon book god). He couldn’t use my query idea, but told me he liked my clips and to keep writing, that I was good. I held onto the note for years, then lost it during one of my serial moves from the east to the mid-west. Looking back at that I know I didn’t research the market or their needs as well as I should have. They liked my writing, but I wasn’t selling something they needed. Nothing personal at all. As I move forward with my books, I remember that daily! So when someone called me today to cry on my shoulder about their most recent rejection, I decided to write about dealing with rejection letters. Then the mail came.

I recently won my second blog writing contest at RedRoom.com, a site for authors. The prize is always an autographed book. It came today. How serendipitous! Write That Book Already! The Tough Love You Need to Get Published Now

It’s serendipitous because of the friend and this blog of course. Anyway, I opened the book and the first thing I see is a chapter about rejection letters and how various authors dealt with them when they started writing.

Stephen King talks about saving his rejection letters and putting them on a spike he drove into his wall. At one point the load of rejections was so heavy the spike fell out of the wall, so he began piling them up on his desk. EVERYONE gets rejected! I have been. All writers have.

I’m sure I’ve been rejected in the hundreds of times. I don’t know. I just don’t keep track. I get far, far more acceptances, so why should I focus on my rejections purely to collect the numbers? I guess maybe one day I’d like to go back and point out how many people/publishers rejected my books maybe so I can make fun of them if I’m ever famous and invited to speak at a commencement service for some Ivy League school, but what’s the point? And being able to say 12 publishers rejected me before I found one and made them a BILLIONAIRE, like JK Rowling, might be a great story. (Yes - TWELVE publishers rejected Harry Potter before one took a chance on him. Don’t you know they’re STILL kicking themselves?) Again - I have to ask, “Why focus on failure?”

Should You Save Your Rejection Letters?

If you’re going to save your rejection letters, have a reason. Wallpapering your bathroom isn’t a reason. Putting them in your bird cage is legitimate - they actually serve a purpose. 99% of all rejections are form letters. If they are - then toss it, shred it or recycle the letter.

• If you have captured an editor’s attention enough to merit a personal note - then save it. Read the note and try to understand why they took time out of their insane day to bother to communicate with you. Then silently thank them. They have given you the gift of feedback!

Remember their name. Follow their advice. Submit again. Be polite, humble and appreciative. Editors have long memories and they’re really, really, really good with names. If you’re rude, unprofessional or a jerk, they’ll remember you.

• Save your rejection letters if you need a hobby.
• Save your rejection letters so you can prove to your parents that you really aren’t just sitting in your room daydreaming about writing - you’re really trying!
• Save your rejection letters if the editor is a famous author in their own right.
• Save your rejection letters if they give you detailed information that will help you become a better writer.
• Save your rejection letters to help you track submissions and ideas.
• Save your rejection letters to help you gauge your improvement or acceptance rate over time.
• Save your rejection letters so you can keep track of editor’s names.
• Save your rejection letters to motivate you and remind you you’re one step closer to acceptance.

In other words, find a REASON to save your rejection letters OTHER THAN as a way to beat yourself up.

Reasons NOT to Save Your Rejection Letters

If you don’t have a good reason for saving your rejection letters, here are some reasons not to save them:

• Don’t save your rejection letters so you have an excuse to throw a pity party.
• Don’t save your rejection letters so you can go back and sneer at the editors when you’re finally rich and famous. One, they probably will have been laid off, fired or died in that time, or two, they really won’t care - unless you’re the next JK Rowling. Resentment can cause cancer and you don’t need that. Get over it.
• Don’t save your rejection letters to help fuel your depression or as a reason to indulge in alcohol or drugs.
• Don’t save your rejection letters to read and reread when you’re drunk or high and bummed out.
• Don’t save your rejection letters as proof that you’re a bad writer. You’re trying to SUCCEED, remember?

If you need to beat yourself up, or if you really like feeling like you’re a bad writer, or you simply have some sick, perverse need to pile up confirmation of your unworthiness, then save the damn letters. But if you’re serious about being a writer save your rejection letters ONLY if you can find a reason and a way they can motivate you.