Lately several people have mentioned to me that they hate the use of “sports jargon,” in business. They hate everything from the emphasis on scoring and winning (why can’t we ALL win!?! they ask) to the analogies and metaphors. After thinking about why sports makes people so uncomfortable I realized that the people who hate sports analogies most are those who have never played organized sports. And I think the reason they hate the analogies is they don’t ‘get them’ on a gut level. They haven’t experienced the pain of a big loss, or the exhilaration of a big win as part of a sports team. We don’t like the things we don’t understand and analogies are no different.

It’s not uncommon for us to dislike things or people we don’t know or aren’t familiar with. People don’t like new or different ideas, cultures or practices. Locals don’t like out-of-towners. Rural people don’t like city folk and vice versa. It’s not that they really don’t like them - they’re afraid of things they don’t understand, haven’t experienced, don’t know and the closest feeling to that fear is “don’t like.” While we’re encouraged to travel abroad and “try new things,” we have this strange resistance to doing the same in our own environment.

A mother I know - who has two boys who play high school sports - doesn’t like the concept of “Keeping score.” She complains that when her boys lose they’re depressed and angry for days. When they win they’re out of control. Her solution is eliminating scoring - so there are no winners and losers. I told her the problem is NOT winning or losing, but how they perceive and handle winning or losing. She’s a single mother with a small business. I told her that she “keeps score” and they are only acting like she does. Of course she objected to that. But when I pointed out that her obsession in life is money, how much she made, how much she lost, how much she can make - she got angry.
“I’m a single mother and I have to think about money because I support us!” was her response.
“Yeah, but you keep score. You have a number in your head that is a ‘win’ and one that is a ‘loss.’ If you drop below that level you feel like you’ve lost, and if you go above it you act like it’s a win.”

She wanted examples so I pointed out that she stews and slams dishes and is curt with the boys when she loses a client. She takes the boys out to dinner or buys them a new video game when she signs a big client. Same thing, same reaction they have when they lose or win - they pout or celebrate, I said. Trust me, it’s NOT what she wanted to hear. None of us likes to hear the thing we’re blaming on others is really OUR problem caused by OUR actions.

Winning and losing is NOT the problem. How we deal with our wins and losses is the problem.

The reality is - we all win or lose. We get a client or we don’t get a client. We land a job or don’t land a job. The good looking man/woman we have a crush on prefers someone else or falls for us. We make more money or less money than our friends. Life is a series of ups, downs, losses and gains. It can be money, love, attention, energy, or relationships but we put our energy, fear and love into keeping score of whether we are being loved, accepted or needed. When we do that, when we look outside of ourselves for evidence we are loved, good enough, happy, equal, respected or whatever, we have to keep score. We “keep score” so we know if we’re being loved, accepted or needed. The problem is not in the act of “keeping score.” The problem is in how we respond to that score.

If you feel secure in yourself, you don’t mind keeping score - it helps you improve and advance in your career or business. You’re measuring your own “personal best.” You’re in control and those highs, lows and depressions don’t happen. For instance, I’m losing weight. If I compare my weight loss against the numbers on “The Biggest Loser,” I could easily get depressed - “They’re losing more than me.” Or I could look at friends who rely on diet only and lose only a few pounds a month and say, “I’m losing more than them,” and feel good. Better yet, I can focus on myself and say, “I lost more than I did last month, or less than I did last month.” I can control what I’m eating, how I’m exercising and my own weight. I don’t have to feel like I’m “losing” because I’m in control of my own life/weight.

So keep score.