I deliver value. When a client pays me for a brochure, I may spin off a short ebook, or a business card, or promotional piece or even, as with one client in Australia, a flier he could use in retail stores. There’s no charge for those extra pieces. They’re gifts. They come from the heart because (1) I enjoy the project (2) I like to over deliver (3) I value my clients.

My gifts to them are genuine because I enjoy the project and the chance to be creative and giving a little extra is just - well, fun. I wish them well and trust karma. I don’t “skimp on the creme,” as a barrista friend says. I explain, “It’s a gift - just an extra.” And most people get it.

So when a client I’d done several pieces for wanted me to take one of the “gifts” and expand it into a full-blown project I was happy to do that - until they were offended that I expected to be paid to expand it. It’s kind of like giving someone a pretty scarf, then having them come back and ask you for an outfit and shoes to go with it.

If I write a bio for your website as “an extra freebie,” that doesn’t mean I will write the bio to six different talks, a video and the intro for your next book as “an extra” (for free). A gift - from me is not a given that everything I do from then on will include free stuff. I give from the heart, not out of obligation, not because someone demands or wants it. I give freely without expectation - which is why I don’t give to everyone. I give when I feel good about it, when I want to, and when it feels right.

This whole incident got me thinking about gifts and helping and when to say when. I started asking a few people I know, and surfing online, and found that most of us are willing to help twice, three or even four times - but then it becomes an obligation, or we begin to resent the request, or to feel angry or like the person is taking advantage. Even if we can say “No,” without repercussions like the whining (yes - some clients whine) and wheedling we get, it still feels icky. So for those out there who aren’t sure what the etiquette around giving is - NEVER TAKE A GIFT FOR GRANTED.

Don’t ask for more, or seconds. Accept what is given graciously and thankfully. A friend of mine used to send t-shirts out to his friends when he started his business. It was a way to let folks know what he did. But he stopped when he started getting requests for additional shirts - for free. He’d send his and her shirts to married couples, who would then say, “The kids love these. Can you send us three more?” No. The idea is THOSE were gifts. If you love the gift so much you want a friend to have one don’t be a cheapskate, buy one. Your recognition of the value will be appreciated.

Just because your provider gave you something extra on one job, don’t assume they’ll do it on every job. There are (were) times when jobs were few and far between and I had extra time to do a lot more extra for clients. I build in time to do all I need to do and then some, but sometimes changes and other things to meet the contracted job take up that time and people get what they paid for, but nothing extra. It’s rude to ask, “Aren’t you going to do a brochure too?” unless you’re planning on paying for it. A gift is a gift, not a given. That’s what makes it special - it’s unexpected. If you want a brochure, not a flier, then accept the gift of the flier and pay for the brochure you want. A gift doesn’t cost you anything - so don’t act as though it does. You are free to decline it, not use it, or pay to have it expanded. If you have a provider who does go the extra mile without invoicing you for every little change, phone call or idea - be happy! You’ve found a rare and valuable provider with your interests, not their wallet, in mind.

Be appreciative. Say “thank you!” and acknowledge the gift. If you have a provider that goes the extra mile, sends you articles, media opportunities, or tips and extra info that helps your business - acknowledge that periodically with a card - or even home baked cookies on appropriate holidays.

Reciprocity rules. Don’t just sit there and take, take, take. If someone else is doing all the giving and you’re not responding in kind after a while then don’t be surprised if the trickle of the milk of human kindness dries up. Whether friend or client - people like to give and be given to. You can offer a testimonial, refer friends to the provider, send them a gift card to Starbucks or acknowledge the kindness in some way. It doesn’t have to be money. It can be referrals, praise, testimonials, a handwritten note, but do it and do it in a way that is honest and from the heart, not begrudgingly.

I hate having to post about this, but it’s better than assuming people understand - since some apparently don’t. If you have someone, client or provider, who is generous and gives freely - let them know you appreciate them. Send them a card. Send them a gift card or drop some money into their PayPal account. Send a gift certificate for a pizza, or bake them cookies if you don’t have a lot of money. But acknowledge them.

True, there are people who give “with strings.” If you feel that is the case, ask. Get clear on expectations and cut those strings. Takers won’t read this and won’t take direction, but my hope is those who do care and just don’t know how to respond at least start thinking about it.