I finally figured out how to break a bad habit and create a new one without going back into therapy for feeling like a failure! It’s so simple really. So I am going to share.

Last month I decided AGAIN to lose weight. UNLIKE the past 200 times I made this decision I opted to try something different - the 80/20 rule. Instead of “perfection or nothing” - meaning if I slipped and drank a soda, or had a burger and fries then the whole diet was off and I was back on my regime of unhealthy eating, I decided that if I “got it right or mostly right” 80% of the time I was good. It made all the difference! There’s a little more to it than permission to goof off, slip or fail though. Keep reading.

This week I had a bad couple of days - no energy, lethargic, sleepy and not feeling well - and I didn’t log everything I put in my mouth. (I use CalorieCount.about.com by the way. Free! And they rock!). No biggie! No guilt. I acknowledged it and logged today’s food. Same with the treadmill and working out. I commit to it and do it first thing when I get up in the morning. But when I got up and my body said, “No,” and my knee hurt and my back hurt I didn’t get on the treadmill. I did go for a walk on the soft grass with my dog for a couple of extra rounds, but the 80/20 rule held.

My reasoning is it’s better for me to be right on in my food and exercise 80% of the time and build up to 90% as I go. The fact is, few of us can be 100% all the time. One of the reasons I eat is stress. By adding more stress (perfection) to my life I make it even harder to stay on track. In the meantime what I’ve learned about habits is:

Anatomy of a Habit
A habit is simply a routine of behavior that happens subconsciously. We don’t just “wake up” with bad habits. They develop over time just like good habits. The process is called “Habit formation.” As you repeat a behavior in a consistent context - like dropping your keys on the kitchen table when you come in the back door, or hanging them on a hook by the door when you enter the house, the action becomes a habit. Enter the house, hang up or drop the keys. I find myself doing the same thing in a hotel room - finding a table to dump my keys. To form ANY behavior, good or bad, CONTEXT is the most critical element of creating or breaking the habit.

If you want to change your diet cleaning out your cabinets and fridge and getting rid of the junk food is important, but it’s more important to replace it with healthy snack food. Why? Because the habit is snacking. You’re going to reach for food - so reach for something healthy. If you eat when you’re stressed the context is “Stress = eat.” The context won’t ever change. You’re always going to have stress in your life. Stress is not the habit. Eating when you’re stressed is. So instead of trying to change the stress (more on that later!) change how you RESPOND to stress! Go for a walk. Get on the treadmill, work out with resistance bands. Nap. Call a friend. Chew gum. Pet the dog. Draw. Journal.

The Power of Habit
The features of an automatic behavior or habit include: efficiency, lack of awareness, unintentionality, and uncontrollability. Have you ever had to go to the store, or a social function and the even is along the same route you take to work? You head out for the event, but zone out and drive right past the turn or building and find yourself in the parking lot of your job. What happened? Habit took over. Your habit of driving that street enabled you to zone out - lack of awareness, unintentional….. One of the reasons coaches drill their teams and the military drills their soldiers in basic, basic actions and skills is because they are instilling habits that will take over no matter what. The reason coaches say, “You’ll play like you practice,” is because they know the power of habit. Once you have created a habit it becomes all the more powerful each time it is re-enforced.

Police and FBI profilers can catch criminals because they know the power of habit. No matter how we may try to alter our behavior, the habits of a lifetime kick in and trip us up. Respect the power of habit and work with it, not against it if you really want to change.

How the 80-20 Approach Works
The 80/20 approach to creating a new habit works because it relies on awareness and context and re-enforcement of a positive action. When you get in the habit of quitting every time you slip up you create a habit of quitting. By allowing yourself that leeway and telling yourself, “Oops, I didn’t log my food today, I will log it tomorrow,” or having that conversation about whether or not to work out and why, you’re creating an awareness of your actions and re-enforcing the fact that you ARE getting closer to your goals.

Remember Context? Think of a habit. For me sitting down in front of the computer meant having something to drink - a soda. The context was sitting down in front of the computer. The habit was drinking something. I tried just stopping the soda cold turkey and failed. Then I found the 80/20 rule. I had soda 80% of the time and tea, water or coffee the rest of the time. Once I was comfortable with that I increased the water and decreased the soda until now I’m 99% water, tea or coffee and mostly water. The context - sitting down at the computer - wasn’t going to change. I just substituted what I drank. Getting hungry? That’s context. Eating a salad before every meal, incorporating healthy foods and phasing out unhealthy required conscious thought, but by following the 80/20 rule I could do it. I eat healthy 80 to 90% of the time. So when I have that really strong craving for a soda or pizza (only once this month) I can give in without guilt, knowing that I’m developing and strengthening my healthy food habit.

C’mon. When’s the last time you were a junk food junkie and felt guilty for “eating healthy” every once in awhile? Seriously. You don’t beat yourself up over a salad or piece of fruit when you’re mostly a fast food queen, so why beat yourself up over the OCCASIONAL junk food splurge. Eventually your body gets used to the good stuff and you lose your taste for the bad stuff anyway. I had a Burger King cheeseburger and onion rings the other day. I ended up tossing the rings after two rings and half the burger. It was like eating cardboard. So…

TIPS FOR 80/20

Set your goals - write them down. Don’t forget them once you write them down. Read them aloud every morning when you get up and every night before you go to bed. Read them when you’re tempted. Reading aloud helps your brain lock in the goal!
Habits happen in CONTEXT. Determine the CONTEXT in which the habit occurs so you are aware of the habit - step one in changing it (Context means, what is happening when you’re engaging in the behavior you want to change?)
Determine exactly what it is you want to change. Is it the behavior itself? Or is it some aspect of the behavior? I didn’t want to stop drinking fluids when I sat at the computer. I wanted to stop drinking soda. See where you can replace a harmful substance with a healthy one. Do it gradually.
Determine what your boundaries are and enforce them. For instance, if your boundary is you won’t go to fast food restaurants because your will power sucks, and a friend invites you to go and “just order a salad,” say no. Tell them you’ll go to a restaurant where your choices are better and you feel comfortable. If they’re pissed off - that’s THEIR problem, not yours.
Create positive re-enforcement phrases for the 20% times. When you forget, or slip, or fall back into the habit don’t beat yourself up. Use a catch phrase to re-enforce the fact you noticed you slipped up!! I say, “I didn’t log my food today. I will log my food tomorrow. I’ve logged it four days this week and that’s great!” Focus on what you HAVE accomplished, not what you haven’t.
Acknowledge that change takes time. As much as you want to change NOW, by allowing yourself the grace to change over time when you can. If you’re late to work every morning and your boss says you’re going to be fired if you’re late again - well, those are the consequences and if you don’t want to be fired you have to change FAST! Good luck! Only when the consequences of failure outweigh the ease of continuing in the behavior do we really change!