I blog about homelessness over at Change.org. And I’m not shy about expressing myself or my opinion. That of course brings a lot of criticism and negativity – particularly from those who like to be critical and negative, who enjoy being victims and who enjoy analyzing and criticizing everything I write simply because that is their nature.

So I caught myself tonight and realized I’d fallen back into the old trap of believing that negative people want to change, or that it’s my job to change them. They don’t really want to change and it’s not my responsibility or job to change them. They’re quite happy in their miserable little lives.

We all hold the keys to our own lives and we can open doors or close and lock them. They’ve chosen to lock out potential, yet to be energy vampires – sucking people in to argue with them and to try to convince them that they can change, that there are possibilities for them and on and on and on.

They just want the juice, not the information. They want the attention, not the help. The fact is, yes the possibility to improve their lot in life exists – but they have to want to change. They have to want to stop being the way they are and find a different path – one that works for them. And the fact is, most negative people don’t really want to do that. They just don’t. They’re quite happy being miserable. It’s part of their mental makeup. And that’s okay. It’s their life. They can do what they want with it. But I don’t have to continue to allow it to be part of mine.

Healthy people get this truth right off the bat. They see negative energy a mile away and steer clear. They are so far off the radar of negative people they’re invisible. But I’m still learning, so I got sucked in. And I noticed my days weren’t quite as happy as they had been and I didn’t like what I was feeling. I went back to basics, back to boundaries.

So I was rereading – for the fourth time, another book by Dr. Henry Cloud called “The 9 Things You Must Do to Succeed in Life and Love.” And he talks about this very thing. He says, “Successful people do not hang onto bad stuff.” In essence, they pull the plug. They cut their losses and run. They do not allow negative things, places or people to take up space in their lives. No amount of arguing or debating or reasoning with negative people is going to change them or me for the greater good. So, the best thing to do is to pull the plug and go on. Things may not be bad in and of themselves, but they simply don’t serve to advance us towards our goals. They distract us from where we want to go.

The example I remember from my life is a friend of mine who loved my watercolor paintings. When she expressed an interest in painting herself I urged her to take a class. So she signed up for an introduction to watercolor class. And about the third class she realized she loved watercolor paintings, but she didn’t like painting. But she had invested all this time, money and energy into the class and didn’t feel right about just dropping out of it. It wasn’t that it was hard and she just needed to work through it, she didn’t like it. She forced herself to go and when it was over she dumped all her paints and supplies into a box and gave them away.

“What a waste!” I told her – no, not the supplies – but the time. She could have dropped that class and tried something else she might have liked. That’s what I’ve always done and it’s why I’ve had so many jobs. I don’t stick with something I don’t like. Why should I? It stresses me and makes me miserable. There’s a difference between making a child learn discipline by not quitting and between an adult who knows their own mind and desires and knows they really don’t want something. That line is up to each of us to determine.

The other part of this is knowing when something or someone is broken and can’t be fixed. You have to let it, or them go. I had an old Buick with a cracked radiator. I couldn’t drive it because it overheated after about five minutes. So it sat in front of my house for a year. I had to have it inspected. I had to pay insurance on it. I had to deal with the police who would periodically knock on the door and tell me to move it, or ask me if it was running – since it never moved.

For a year I debated about whether to invest $1,000 to fix it or to cut my losses and run. I finally took it to a mechanic and said, “Listen, if it were yours what would you do?” He said sell it. So I did. It was the best feeling of my life to see the tow truck haul that car away. What a weight off my shoulders! I couldn’t believe I had waited so long and been so confused by what to do! But I was and we all are – we can’t see the forest for the trees as the saying goes.

I encourage you to take stock of your life. Where’s the dead wood? What can you cut out that’s dragging you down? From people to habits to beliefs - take a good long look and then pull the plug. Cut your losses and run towards something better.