The more I work on enforcing my personal boundaries and learn about how to respect and recognize the boundaries of others, the more I realize that there are a lot of unhealthy people and energy vampires out there. Energy vampires are people with non-existent boundaries and huge emotional needs.

Hey - Energy Vampires are real. Seriously. Maybe they don’t suck blood, but an energy vampire can sure suck the life right out of you. Psychologists will admit that negative people, those with huge emotional needs can drain the energy from people around them. That’s why they schedule their energy vampire clients near the middle of their day - so they don’t suck all their energy out at the beginning of the day, and so they aren’t the last patient they see - and end up going home depleted. They’re not bad people - they’re just human vacuums - sucking up all the positive energy and feelings of those around them. You may recognize them by some of these common traits.

* usually feels abandoned or rejected by people
* complains and whines a lot about how unfair life is
* always depressed
* generally suffering from some chronic illness
* generally poor or financially needy
* always critical of you or others
* needs constant reassurance about everything they’re doing
* never feels satisfied or like they get enough attention, love
* seeks nurturing from others
* dominates conversations or doesn’t like to listen if they can’t
* expects others to care and tend to them
* acts helpless or needy
* low energy - fatigued

The most common indication that you’re around an energy vampire is how you feel around them. If YOU feel fatigued, tired or lethargic after being around them - chances are they’re sucking you dry. If you feel irritable, have headaches or are just tired or depressed after being around someone - you may be in the presence of an energy vampire. If you’re an introvert you may feel fatigued or drained by being in the presence of an extrovert. This is NOT the same thing!

We are all vampires at one time or another. Maybe we’re depleted after the loss of a loved one, or we’ve been ill, suffered a loss or setback - and we’ve burned up our energy fighting the negative drain and stress of an event. Among other things, we need the energy of healthy friends to get through a time of low energy. Healthy people re-energize by exercise, sleep, being around others, singing, prayer, activities as well as being with friends. Once their levels are normal they can self-sustain. That’s part of the give and take of life.

The energy vampire however never gives - but always takes and always seeks out people, not activity or self-nurturing, to re-energize. Yet they’re never quite able to get enough energy. So they keep taking, needing, wanting until their poor victim is exhausted and depleted. They have poor boundaries or no boundaries. They’re always needy, always asking for something - a favor, time - whatever. Spend enough time around one of these vampires and you can become ill or a vampire yourself! Once you’ve identified the energy vampire - take steps to protect yourself.

1. limit or eliminate the time you spend around them. If they are a friend, consider ending the friendship. If they’re a partner - seek counseling and learn to develop strong boundaries.
2. Never rescue an energy vampire. That only drains you more. They can take care of their life. They don’t need you.
3. Remain detached from their drama. Don’t get caught up in their critical rants, pity parties or depression. Their emotions are their problem, not yours.
4. Limit eye contact. Eyes are the windows of your soul and if you invite them in with contact just like a blood sucking vampire they’ll come right in - and steal your energy.
5. Stay out of enclosed spaces with them. Don’t go in their car or allow them in yours - follow them or meet them at a restaurant or wherever you’re going.
6. Avoid one-on-one encounters. Meet out in public where there is a lot of energy and other people around.
7. Limit your time. If you must maintain a relationship with an energy vampire - through work or family, set a limit on how much time you will spend with them.
8. Have good boundaries. Make them known and enforce them.
9. Be positive. Positive energy is like garlic to an energy vampire. They are repelled by it and will try to find ways to get you to set it aside. Don’t let them! Continue to be upbeat, positive and in love with life - that sunshine of happiness will send them crawling back to their dark hole.
10. Don’t feel sorry for energy vampires. They have the resources they need to develop their own energy source without tapping into others - but it’s hard work. If you can do it however, so should they.