Again, I caution those of you not used to working with the homeless, not aware of the inner-city culture or the risks of encountering the severely mentally ill, sex offenders or sociopaths and criminals to work WITH groups and individuals who DO have that experience. Just because a person is homeless doesn’t mean they are a criminal, sex offender or sociopath, but statistically those who are chronically homeless are desperate and have issues and drives you may not recognize. I was homeless and moved among the chronically homeless and can assure you they are individuals in pain, hurting, hungry, needy and many are just people like you and me, but unless you know how to recognize an addict under the influence of crack or other drugs, or those with serious issues, don’t put yourself at risk.

Work with shelters, churches, food banks, and with those homeless individuals you know of through your local social agencies or Salvation Army. This ebook lists 101 things you can give or do for the homeless besides giving them money that can help them get off the streets, get a job, have an easier time while on the streets and regain their self-respect and confidence. I hope you’ll download it and read it and share it with your friends! Thank you!

To download click: 101GiftsForHomeless2012

Apart from your own procrastination and frittering away time surfing, playing and having performance panic attacks, the categories and clients that most distractions and demands fall into are:

People Without Boundaries: These are clients, friends, family and people who don’t understand the word, “No,” or who take the word personally. They see your life as an extension of their lives. If they have time to piss away, you should too. They pout and protest and beg and  plead, “Can’t you just do it this once?”

They don’t get the concept of time in general and they especially don’t get the concept your time is different than theirs. If they’re available to do “stuff,” they assume you are too. If you schedule a time to talk and they get busy, blow you off or forget about your appointment, they don’t understand later why you’re angry, offended or not available when THEY do decide to call a week later.

It’s almost like they think you’re a tool or appliance they take of the shelf when they need you, and put you back when they don’t. You have no life outside of them and their needs. They don’t understand you have work, family, other clients and a schedule. And when you do explain it, they don’t like it and think you’re deliberately using your work and other commitments to avoid them.

People With No Life, but Lots of Time: You know these folks. They’re unemployed, underemployed or have jobs they can actually leave at the end of the day. They assume you do too. They may be retired, or be stay at home parents, or in school, or living with mom and dad, in-between jobs….whatever. They don’t understand why you can’t just leave a project and go have a beer, join them for dinner or catch a movie or just talk for 45 minutes about their crappy job, their plans to dominate the world, or who they think the next American Idol or Dancing with the Stars winner will be. They’re not bad people. They are probably fun. They just don’t have the demands on their time that you do and they don’t understand (or like) the concept you do.

Emergencies: I love the sign over my computer. It reads, “The lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” What that means is, if you spent your summer and all your money on golf, fishing and vacationing across the southwest with your family instead of writing that ebook on “Christmas Decorating for Capitalists” that you planned to sell at Christmas, it’s really not my problem you don’t have the time or the money to produce it in time for the holidays.  “Emergencies” are people with no boundaries, no money and no sense of time. They’re like teenagers — they feel entitled. They want what they want when they want it and they don’t want to have to pay for it or wait for it.

Emergencies are characterized by:

• Need things ASAP. Everything is rush, rush, rush! Stress, stress, stress!
• They say things that make you feel like their chaos is your fault
• They expect to be rescued
• They have no money or they don’t want to spend money to make things happen
• No matter what you do for them, it will never be good enough

I could go on, but the point is it doesn’t matter who or what the distraction is, you stop all these folks with one thing — boundaries.

Take for instance the client who wanted a brochure, no, NEEDED a brochure ASAP. We scheduled a day and time, then he went on vacation, met a new girlfriend and blew off the appointment. He emailed me two weeks later to say, Okay, NOW he had time to deal with the brochure and wanted to do the brochure TODAY. Well, gee…I’ve already booked other clients and made plans and filled my dance card. I don’t have time now. It will have to wait until next month.

His change in plans, his failure to reschedule as soon as he knew he had something he had to deal with instead of a brochure redesign, and his poor timing is not my responsibility or my problem. It’s his. His frustration, his anger — it’s all his. He chose his priorities and he has to deal with them. All I could say was, “Great for you on the girlfriend! I’m booked through the middle of next month, so “What’s a good time then?” I want to help, but my doctor, therapist, web guy don’t drop their lives if I have a problem. There are exceptions, but they generally involve TRUE life or death matters. Same with me.

Setting boundaries is what you do when you want to save your sanity, keep your stress levels low and get your work done. It’s not easy, not at first. You’ll want to rescue your clients and make the money. You might  need the work. That’s your choice. The thing is, when you twist yourself into a pretzel to accommodate others at the expense of your own stuff, you’re training your clients how to treat you. When you jump to their rescue and put your life and other clients on hold when they come calling, that’s what they’ll learn to expect. When they learn they can do that, there is NO incentive to change, NO incentive to be responsible or to plan ahead.  When they learn that if they want you that they’ll have to schedule time, keep appointments and deliver their end of the deal then they will.

So, today’s lesson? Say “No.” Say, “What’s a good time next week, next month etc” — a time that works for you first, clients second. If you’re not happy, ain’t no one gonna be happy!

Becky Blanton shaking hands with Dan Pink after her TED Global 2009 talk at Oxford in England in 2009

After, “Are you still homeless?” the question I get asked most is, “How can I get invited to speak at TED?” Actually, “How can I get invited to speak at TED?” is usually accompanied by some variation of an assumption I have an inside track or the ear of Chris Carter or the TED organizers.

People believe I can get people I don’t know in front of the committee, or get them invited to speak at TED just on my say so.

I understand from others I know who have spoken at TED that this just comes with the territory and the fact that you made the cut and got to talk there yourself.

I know people think like this because people I don’t even know write me and ask me to (1) help them get to TED, (2) put in a good word for them at TED or (3) recommend them for TED. I know they have no clue about what TED is because when I ask, “What’s your great idea?” the person usually responds, “What do you mean??” or, “I don’t have one, I just want to speak at TED.” or “Can you write something for me?”

The idea that you can make a difference without doing the work, or get recognized simply because you think you need a TED talk on your vita is narcissistic. It’s also a huge misconception about what TED and the selection process and whole event is about. That would totally make TED like any other prestigious organization — dependent more on the good old boy social circle network, back scratching and favors and not dependent on great ideas, insight, story telling and vision. People like Seth Godin, Dan Pink and others keep getting invited back because they consistently have something world changing to say. And that’s how it should be. I do pass along ideas I personally think are TED worthy and of the six ideas I’ve passed along, I do know that five of them were considered. Those I’ve referred to TEDx organizers have, across the board, been selected as well. They were selected because they had TED worthy ideas, talks, insights or material  NOT because they knew someone who spoke at TED.

So, if you want to be invited to speak at TED:

Do something, be something, invent something, research something, create something amazing, brilliant, inspired, funny or powerful. Change the world or present something that educates, entertains, inspires or causes those who see it or experience to change the world.

TED isn’t about YOUR ego. It’s about your ideas, solutions and insights or experiences that — told in a talk can shift people’s minds and hearts. That’s why a homeless woman, a refugee, a child soldier, and people with no connections, no power, no political or financial influence have been selected to speak at TED. TED is a model for how you should be living your life day-to-day— sharing solutions, ideas, insights, wonder and visions with people who can act on them.

Sadly, TED, for so many, has become simply another way to leverage people’s attention and prestige into money, fame and fortune. That, as far I know and believe, is not the purpose of TED, although it can be a by-product. Some days I wonder if TED will go the way of the casting couch, that it will be more of a smooth marketing, social media machine based on a list of speakers who got there because of who they knew rather than what they knew. I worry that it will become a calculated popularity machine, not a tool for the impassioned and world changing individuals. But I’m not going to be part of that kind of TED. For me, it’s about spreading ideas, vision and wonder. I hope it is for you too.

That said, TED now looks at one minute tapes of your proposed TED talk, so if you still want to be invited and you think that based on your own merits and not on who you know, you have what it takes to change the world, here’s your chance. Audition your own TED talk. Be warned, it’s not about who you know, but how world changing your message and idea is:

http://blog.ted.com/2011/04/15/a-chance-to-audition-your-own-ted-talk/ The deadline is past, but if you want to see who made the cut, go here: http://blog.ted.com/2011/05/26/great-minds-think-alike-creative-minds-think-together-ted-full-spectrum-auditions/

Good luck. The world needs incredible, world changing ideas, visions and insights. If you see it as a way to “get rich, famous and in demand quick,” I can point you to any of a dozen Internet scams that will pay off better and faster.

“Oh,” she said. “So how long do you think it will take you to clean up your room?”
The girl’s eyes rolled around in her head.
“Mom! Not more than 15 minutes,” she said.
“How long did it take last week?” mom asked.
The girl frowned.
“All morning.”
“But it’s cleaner this time, so it’ll take less time?” the mother prodded.
At stake was a movie matinee apparently.
The conversation continued. The kids had been promised pizza and movie if they finished their chores, cleaned their rooms and finished their homework. If they didn’t get it all done, no movie. No pizza.
What was so fascinating about the conversation for me was how the mother kept coming back, not to nag, but to ask questions about time.

She reminded her children of the reality of time, not challenging the endless sense of time that children have, but getting them to look at how long things really took, not what they thought they took. Apparently her prodding worked. By the time the conversation had gotten around to taking out the trash the meter was clicking and at least the oldest girl had figured out she was going to have to hustle if she wanted to make that pizza and movie deadline.

Last year I started using a FREE app for Macintosh called TimeEdition (There’s a PC version too). It allows you to track your time on projects, clients and whatever else you have going, at least as long as you’re on the computer. When you leave the computer for a few minutes it will shut itself off after giving a warning beep.

I started using it to track how much time I spent on email, on phone calls, on video games, on client projects and on just surfing. I wrote down my estimates first, then started using the tracker. It’s fast and easy to use — trust me, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be using it! I was stunned.

A client I liked and who had hired me on several ongoing projects began to send me periodic emails throughout the day. At first they were related to the current project, then they totally stopped being about the current project, but became about “possible” projects. I wasn’t charging her for the quick answers and comments, but I tracked it for a month. In 30 days I racked up a total of 12 hours, a little over 30 minutes a day every work day for a month. But no project came out of it, although she got a lot of work done herself by consulting me for advice on small items she then paid someone else to do.

It was more like some days were 10 minutes, some were 45, but looking at my print out, I could see she had nibbled away 12 unpaid hours of consulting and advice for free. It was not her fault — It was mine for allowing it to happen. I sent her the printout and told her that I valued her as a client and a casual friend and wanted to continue our working relationship, but the next month I needed a $1,000 retainer if she wanted to continue to use me to “tweak” her emails, or advise her on different marketing ideas. She was offended. She didn’t think “a few minutes here and there” was something I should charge her for since she was a client, even if they were non-project related. Normally I would have agreed, and did agree until I saw how those “few minutes” every day added up to about $1,200 worth of billable hours a month. She was getting more free time from me than she was spending in services each month. Now I knew why.

When I returned each of her emails the next month with a reminder of our conversation and an invoice, I honored my boundaries, but apparently she didn’t respect them or my time. So she disappeared. I wasn’t too upset since I had just reclaimed 12 hours of my life each month.

I thought about that when I heard the mother talking about a more realistic approach to time management. Even as adults most of us (especially creative types) really don’t have a realistic view of what something takes. I recently quoted a new client $35,000 for a full length business book he wanted ghosted. 250 pages, lots of resources, footnotes and interviews and about a year’s worth of time plus all my writing from scratch. He was stunned. He said, “I can get someone on Elance to do it for about $500,” he said. And I smiled. “And you’ll get a $500 job.” [Ghostwriting is NEVER about the money, always about the value. You may pay someone $500 to write a book, but if no one reads it, you lose money. If you pay $35,000 and the reading is so good that people can't put it down, and recommend it to all their friends, you got a bargain for the $35,000 price tag.]

People tell me that I’ll never have people standing in line to knock down my door to ghost write at that price. I remind them I don’t need people knocking down my door or standing in line. I need one person, not 100. I’m 56. I don’t think I have several hundred full-length books worth of time left in my life. So I don’t worry about lines. I wait patiently for the handful of people who get me, want my writing and value what I bring to the project in terms of life experience, writing skill and personality. And that? I have time for.

How do you invest, spend or piddle away your time? Do you know? How much time do you give away? How many billable hours are lost? How much time do you give yourself for your own projects? Time. Start thinking about it differently. You may not have as much of it left as you thought you did.

There are days I wake up and wonder how I got so lucky. They’re not all “Oprah or Dr. Phil level” famous, but they should be.

They’re just really, really, really wise people. Most of them blog and every once in a while, actually on a regular basis, they post information that rocks my world. Today one of them, Lorraine Esposito, (who I hired as my own coach last year) posted a “Tip of the Week” article today on guilt and expectations. It’s not long. It’s basic, but it launched me into my own self-examination process because it was so straightforward.

Maybe it’s just me, just the timing, just what I  needed to hear right now, but I thought it was a great post. You can read it yourself here: http://peacemaker-coach.com/Tip-of-the-Week.html.

She’s talking about how we feel guilt when we don’t meet other people’s expectations. Sound familiar? I tied myself in knots and laid in bed and cried all month from the guilt I felt over having pneumonia (out of my control) and not being able to work most of the month.

Each time I started to feel a little better I’d work, relapse and collapse. I was so frustrated. Then I said, “No more. My health is more important than work.” I may have lost some clients, but I really don’t care. I’m more important….if I don’t take care of me I’ll never be able to work. So this was SOOOOOO timely. Here’s a sample. Lorraine writes:

The Problem: Too many people live in a state of conflict. The conflict?:

Other People’s Values (expectations) vs. Their OWN Values (standards).

A few examples of conflict:

• Spending money on yourself when others expect your charity, generosity, abstinence, etc.

• Spending time on yourself when other expect sacrifice, service, help, etc.

• Saying ‘no’ when others expect you to say ‘yes’

• Needing help to satisfy personal needs–even basic ones like food, love, attention, respect–when others expect you to be a bootstrapper

I felt definite conflict when I was sick and had commitments to friends and clients. Friends (for the most part) understood and wished me well and graciously went on without me. Clients, not so much. That’s where I struggled.

I made the commitment and needed and wanted to honor it, but how to do that when I’m spending most of my day wondering whether to go the emergency room because I can barely breathe? Reading her post woke me up. I had no standards and scrambled to meet other people’s expectations without even trying to renegotiate them based on an unforeseen and unavoidable conflict.

2012 is my year to keep affirming my boundaries, but also to start creating standards and expectations! Join me. Make your own list of standards and expectations. See if it changes your life.

But this month when I couldn’t pay a few bills because I was so busy helping people with their WordPress stuff I decided that my pro-bono work with bloggers had to end. It was fun while it lasted, but I really don’t like Ramen noodles or Mac n’ Cheese as as steady diet.

So I wrote this ebook about getting started with WordPress. I hope people take it for what it is intended to be – a short (11 pages) ebook about the handful of resources I found helpful, and still find helpful in working with WordPress.

Because I like to be generous I over-commit sometimes. When I reorder my priorities and back off to take of me, it’s not always met with understanding. As that removal of unpaid help happens, some people get angry because they’re not getting stuff for free any more.

This ebook is for people who are seriously just looking for someone to point them to the best online resources where they can learn about WordPress. It is not a “How-to” book because there are already SO many great WordPress How-To books out there. I don’t want to  recreate the wheel. And I’m not that much of a geek anyway.  Feel free to read it, share it, pass it on. Some will feel offended by the tone and message, others won’t. But I think I made my point – that there’s a difference between asking for an opinion, or direction and asking for someone to work for free.  I still work for free sometimes, but it’s my gift and because I feel like it, not because someone has asked. Enjoy! Download it here: WordPress Tips For Newbies

I work with a lot of people because I believe in them, not because they’re paying me. Most aren’t. Many of us mentor others. It’s rewarding to watch someone take what you’ve said or done to help them and then apply that knowledge and go on to succeed. I LOVE it! But sometimes we help the wrong person. “Wrong,” because the person wants to succeed, but is afraid to do the work, or doesn’t want to do the work, or doesn’t believe they are capable of doing the work.

Like my tomato plants and flowering vines, once you’re not there to support them and be the foundation holding them up, they collapse and die. And, all the fruit and potential for fruit (success) now lays on the ground rotting. They just don’t have the structure, faith, job or personal skills or skill set, or strength to succeed. Some of them will figure it out down the road – maybe years or even decades later. Some never will. They’ll continue to wonder what went wrong, or try to blame others or even you, for their failure.

If you’ve invested time, energy and resources into someone and then walk away to tend to your own business, it’s discouraging to see them collapse. However, unless they are mentally, physically or otherwise disabled and they are your formal legal responsibility, it’s not up to you to save them, or rescue them.

We’re all adults here. Each one of us is responsible for our own work, income, bills, and lives. You can’t control what other people say or think about you or about their perception of why they’re failing. But you can learn to identify who to help and who not to help.

Signs someone you’re mentoring might not have what it takes to succeed as an entrepreneur.

• When you give them suggestions, directions or lists of things they need to do they don’t follow up, or don’t come back to you with the results and to debrief and learn from their actions.
• They always wait for direction from you and rarely or never take the initiative to do their own thing.
• They’re afraid of failure and hide their failures rather than discuss them. They may even deny they failed when it’s obvious they did.
• When you can’t do things for them they don’t do anything at all. Rather than risk and fail they do nothing.
• They don’t own their own failure. If something doesn’t work, goes wrong or gets delayed they blame you.
• They want to assign blame rather than figure out solutions.
• They don’t value your time.
• They take you for granted, assuming you’ll be there to “fix” everything. They don’t expend their own time, energy or resources beyond their own comfort level.
• They don’t ask for what they need.
• They play the victim, the martyr or the “wronged” one.

Like I said. Not everyone has what it takes to be an entrepreneur, or an author, or a stand alone success. It’s hard. That’s why there are so few people who do it. If you’re the coach, friend, co-worker, neighbor, boss, mentor or parent who has tried and failed to support someone who you think can, or could succeed and you finally see that they’re not doing what they need to do to help themselves, then walk away. You’re not being cruel. You’re setting boundaries, being responsible to and for yourself and you’re giving them another opportunity to figure out that they’re responsible for themselves, that you’re not.

They won’t like it. They’ll blame you, martyr themselves and launch themselves full-bore into their victim hood in order to do all they can to keep the blame of their failure off of themselves. You can’t control what others say about you, but you can control your response to it. If you’re a recovering co-dependent, as I am, the best you can do is walk away, and keep that person in your prayers because they need it. They’re in pain, suffering from the past events and relationships in their lives that keeps them fearful. Be kind, firm and honest, but don’t get sucked into defending your actions. They don’t care and can’t hear your side of things. They’re doing their best to keep their pain, shame and fear at bay. To them, having someone who is supporting them walk away, even for good reasons, is a replay of a failure in their past. You can’t change that. It’s up to them to deal with their own pain. Be compassionate and take care of you.

I have learned we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves. So I cut the cord, notified everyone who was draining more than they were filling and reorganized my boundaries and priorities. It felt good. I am not responsible for people’s success. They are. Unless they are paying me, or reciprocating in kind, for me to keep helping others more than I’m helping me is a no win situation for me. When you have more energy, like money, going out than coming in, eventually you’ll be empty. I don’t want to be empty, bitter, sick. So I’m saying YES to me by saying NO to others.

Don’t worry. I factored in X amount of time to give to non-profits, individuals and charities that I passionately support and love. They don’t have to give anything in return or reciprocate. They are recipients in the most joyful way I know how to give. But the able-bodied and financially capable who just don’t want to spend the money to get what they want (more money), are going to have to go it alone. I wish you well.

We all make our best choices and I’ve made mine. Here’s to my better health, peace of mind and a kinder, more loving spirit as I finally take care of me like I’ve been taking care of so many others. Yay!!!

Not fade away
By Seth Godin
Most partnerships don’t end up in court.

Just because there are no firestorms on the porch doesn’t mean you’re doing okay. More likely, there are relationships out there that need more investment, quiet customers who are unhappy but not making a big deal out of it. They’re worth a lot more than the angry ones.

I recently asked a friend if I should just stop being generous. Stop giving. Stop caring. Stop supporting or showing up for people. I was feeling unappreciated, taken for granted. So I did like Seth says. I quit showing up. Quit volunteering. Quit sending emails with information they might find helpful. I stopped investing and moved on. That bothered me because I enjoy giving, caring and sharing. She said, “Just be clearer on what you expect. If it’s a gift, it’s a gift. If you’re expecting reciprocity, be clear about that up front. And if they aren’t willing to do that, then move on. Don’t give up on what you love because a few people aren’t able to participate or reciprocate.” So I found new folks to help. I started small to see what their response was. For the ones who didn’t say “Thanks!” I moved on. For the ones who said “Thanks!” I said “You’re welcome.” For the ones who said both “Thanks! and Is there anyway I can help you?” I had the reciprocity talk-the one that goes something like, “How can we help each other?”

I still give, but ONLY when I want to, not so much when I’m asked to, unless it’s a great opportunity. And I’ve learned so much-mostly that what we get out of our relationships, or not, is up to us. Relationships of any kind, as Seth pointed out, erode, not explode.

Communication is our responsibility. You can’t wait or expect the other person to get what you want out of your interaction. You have to know what YOU WANT, communicate it and then act on whether or not the other party respects your boundaries and gives you what you want. I wasn’t doing that, and I’m guessing others don’t either.

At the time we talked originally I wrote his press release and an ebook. I encouraged him to start a blog. Write about the content in the ebook, I told him. Attract people with your expertise in this field, which was considerable. He said he “didn’t need content” for his website. He was the “expert” in the field and people would just “naturally” gravitate towards him and buy his ebook. Well, the people who bought the book loved it (I wrote it after all), but not enough people were buying it. I repeated my advice and he’s gone off to find a $3 an hour provider on elance to write his content for him. Really? You’d hire someone willing to work for $3 an hour to promote your $250 an hour services?

Since we spoke last he’s heard from “several very smart marketing experts” ($300 an hour for their insight) that he needed to actually blog a few times a week and put content on his page. Hmmmm…it all sounded so familiar. BECAUSE I TOLD HIM THE SAME THING THREE YEARS AGO! All he had was his name, photo and an “About me” link and a few Google ads on the blog. No contact page. No email. No phone number. It’s the internet after all. Someone might steal his identity or spam him. If you wanted to actually hire him you had to snail mail him at a PO Box (Yeah, that looks good) or contact him through his ebook after you bought it. He’s still not ready to commit to himself, his book, his site and his business. He’s bitter. After all, people should “just know” who he is and flock to him. Like I told him, it works that way in small, remote demon infested villages where you’re the only witch-doctor. It doesn’t work that way where you’re one of millions of witch-doctors all vying for the chickens and gold nuggets of the demon infested tribesmen seeking a cure. You have to stand out some way and great content, stellar customer service, help with general questions via social media sites, and networking is how you do that.

I have several other friends who also keep asking me why people are visiting their websites and not coming back or buying anything. One friend has nothing TO buy, no rates, just a vague sort of “I like to help people,” statement.
“Help them what?” I asked.
“You know, with whatever they need.”
“Like?”
“I can do almost anything, gardening tips, life coaching, computer virus eradication and I can help them set up a Word Press blog.”
“Where is that on the web site?”
“It’s not. People just know to ask.”

I’m not sure WHERE people got this “People JUST KNOW” fallacy, but that’s what it is. People DON’T JUST KNOW. They’re busy. They’re stressed. They want things spelled out for them.

“Seriously? If you wanted your car fixed would you Google, ’someone who can do anything,’” to come fix it?”
She blushed.
“That’s different.”
“How is it different? Do you really think people look for ’someone who can do almost anything,’ or do you think they look for ‘computer repairs.”?
“Computer repairs.”
“Uh huh. And that’s not on your website is it? Did I miss it?”
“No.”

These are intelligent, talented, funny, gifted people. They are my friends and I WANT them to succeed. But they’re not getting it.

I look at their sites and although none are as bad as *Don’s (*not his real name) , they all lack the same thing–CONTENT CONTENT CONTENT. They also need a good design, easy navigation, and a few other things, but none of that will matter if they don’t have content.

What really saddens me is that all these folks are great at what they do, but they:

1. Don’t want to share their expertise for free, not even a little bit of it. They think if they “give it away” that no one will pay them for it. Hint: I can read about how to fix my carburetor, toaster, or broken fridge all day long. It  doesn’t mean I can or will fix it myself. If you are a marketing or business consultant, life coach or anyone else with a skill or talent, sharing what you know will BRING you clients who see that you know what you’re talking about and who want you to apply your talent and skills to THEIR unique problem or situation.

Don’t tell them how to fix THEIR specific problem for free. (Unless it’s small, and that can lead to bigger paying projects). But help them. Give them enough information that they can see you DO know what you’re talking about. You can’t show them that if you don’t share your information/expertise with them. Show them you know what you’re talking about. Think of what you do as a Case Study. People can read it, see how a solution worked and be inspired or motivated and impressed by you.

The whole reason they NEED you is BECAUSE you have the skills, background, experience and expertise you do. They are NOT going to magically acquire that because they read your blog. They’ll get tips that can help them, sure, and as those tips work they’re going to say, “Gee, maybe I should hire the dumptruck (YOU) to lay the gravel in my garden rather than carrying it in a handful at a time myself.”

2. Don’t have the time to put into it. I’m sorry. You’re telling me you WANT this success, riches, fame and to sell your stuff, but you DON’T HAVE THE TIME to put into writing content or connecting with people on social media? Get the silver spoon out of your mouth. Climb off your cross and go buy a lottery ticket. You DO NOT have what it takes to succeed as an entrepreneur. Making money online means committing to YOUR business. It means MAKING TIME to blog, to read, to write, to engage. If you can’t do that, or don’t want to do that, then HIRE someone to do it for you. If you can’t afford to do that or don’t want to spend the money, then again, you DO NOT HAVE what it takes to succeed as an entrepreneur. Get a job.

3. Can’t afford it. They say this as they’re booking their flight to Florida or the coast for two weeks at the beach with friends they’re sharing a $2,000 a week beach house with. They can take a cross-country trip to a lobster fest, or attend a concert at $100 per ticket rates plus dinner, cabs, hotel and gas for a $700 weekend for two, or a $500 professional baseball game with the kids and $8 hot dogs, but they “can’t afford” to hire a writer to create the content they want that will make them money over the long haul. Let me repeat myself. You DON’T HAVE what it takes to succeed online. You may have ten degrees, including a law and/or medical degree, but if you don’t do the basic things you need to do to create the kind of site you want, you will NOT succeed in this world.

4. Don’t want to read all that stuff. I send people tips, ebooks, information and videos all the time. Those who watch, read and apply the information consistently, SUCCEED. Those who don’t, don’t. Success is 98% showing up. What they’re really saying is, “I have better, more fun, interesting and exciting things to do than actually work at this internet stuff.” That’s your choice. But don’t email me or call me and ask me to give up my life to do it for you unless you’re willing and able to pay me to do it for you.

5. Think they’re not “expert enough.” I have friends with anywhere from four to six degrees – a veritable alphabet soup after their name and 20, 30, 40 years experience in their field, books, journals and what all, and they all suffer from low self-esteem. I have to ask, “HOW MANY degrees in widget polishing do you really need to have to take money for telling people how to polish widgets without feeling like a fraud?”

I’m always amazed that they all felt competent to have and raise children (some of them three and four kids!) without a degree in childhood education, or medicine, or psychology, but they balk at the idea that being an MBA and a CEO of a company for 5 years qualifies them to tell someone what they can expect if they start a business!! If NOT that, then what does?

“Well I’ve always WORKED for someone, so I haven’t ever really started my own business,” Jack said.
“Do you know about taxes, laws, structuring a business, hiring, contracts and all the stuff that GOES with having a business?” I asked.
“Well yes,” he said. “Of course I do.”
“Then read up on starting a business, figure out what you DON’T know, learn it, then teach it! Or teach the parts of business that you DO know and LOVE.” He brightened at that.
“I really like dealing with contractors,” he said.
So now he’s in the business of working with small business owners helping them navigate the business of finding and hiring contractors.
This is not rocket science. You don’t need your parent’s approval. Just do it.

There ARE ways to “Get Rick Quick.” They are:

• Buy a winning lottery or megaball ticket.
• Steal the money.
• Inherit the money.
• Find the money.
• Print the money yourself (the US Government likes this one).

I hate to break it to you, but getting rich online is like getting rich offline. It involves time, work, effort, networking, sales and customer service. It rarely happens overnight, but for the one-in-million that it happens to, it’s still work. Plus, your odds of winning the lottery are better than your odds of getting rich overnight with an ebook that you haven’t promoted and that no one knows exists. Gamble however you’d like. It’s your money.

I’ve been reading, blogging, posting, writing and learning for the last year. It’s been hard because I’ve also been making a living of sorts while I’ve been learning. I know what works. I know what it takes. It takes TIME. You don’t write five happy-feel-good blog posts and walk away and expect people to fall all over themselves to hire you for  $500 an hour, or $400, or $100 or even $30. Other people don’t want to part with THEIR money any more than you want to part with yours. To get them to do that you have to give them more value and excitement than anything else their money can buy. How do you do that?

Start here. The following content is from Naomi Dunford, owner of Ittybiz.com:

Ittybiz’s FREE MARKETING COURSES: http://ittybiz.com/free-marketing-courses/

No matter what business you’re in, Naomi has free email course designed JUST for you. Same info, but she breaks it down into the jargon/industry you’re in so you can relate, such as:

Marketing for Touchy Feely Airy Fairy Woo Woo Service Providers

I am guessing that you would like to close your office door, put on some soothing music, and softly hum until the clients come to you. Then they’ll tell their friends about you and their friends will send you some money as well, and you will never actually have to utter what you do for a living out loud. Am I right? Have I got it so far?

Marketing for Bloggers: How To Get More Asses in the Seats

You’re reading the blogs. You know the ones. The ones that tell you how you can make six figure Adsense checks? And how to recommend a few products and you can make a few grand a month in affiliate payments? But the part they didn’t get around to mentioning was how to get the people to your blog in the first place. Yeah. We hate that.

Marketing for Coaches and Consultants

Do you remember when you first got into the business of helping people, and you heard about the other guys in your industry making an hourly wage that would pay off your mortgage? And you look back at it and give a little rueful chuckle and think, “I’ll settle for half of that if I can just get some damn clients!” Mmm hmm. Yeah, you’re not the only one.

Marketing for Designers and Other Artsy Fartsy Types

Maybe you went to art school or design school. Maybe you just hang out with people who did. Either way, you’ll know how weird it gets when money comes up. Somewhere along the line, you were quietly promised a life of loft apartments and filterless cigarettes and never having to think about, God help us, SELLING this stuff. Eew.

Marketing for Writers and Wordsmiths

When you were younger, you imagined what writing would be like. Maybe you imagined ink stained fingers, maybe the whirr and click of an IBM Selectric. Maybe — holy banoli! — the orange glow of a 486. You knew it wouldn’t be an easy ride. You knew it would be tough. You just didn’t know it would be THIS tough.

Marketing for Geeks and Techie Types

You like code. And numbers. And things that make sense. You dig databases and back ends and compiling stuff. You do not dig things that seem wildly illogical and emotional and impractical like how to make people feel nice when they’re sending you money. This one’s for people who speak Geek.

* * * * * *

Did you notice? Naomi is a freaking god when it comes to a clever and pissy turn-of-phrase. I get NOTHING if you go to her site and buy her stuff. She is the marketing wizard and where I learned a lot of my stuff. The aliens pumped the rest in, but Naomi laid the groundwork. She sells books and consulting and stuff too. NOTICE. She has TONS AND FREAKING TONS of FREE info! But she’s able to eat more than Ramen noodles and water for dinner now. Why? Because she DID the work, busted her ass and paid the price successful people pay, the price you’re trying to find at bargain basement rates. Not going to happen. So get over it.

Naomi rocks at what she does. I rock at what I do, but unless YOU listen, read and do the work or PAY someone to do it, or find a terminally co-dependent and talented slave to work for you for free (I’m no longer available, sorry), you have two choices: Do it yourself, or Get a job and bitch about how hard it is to be your own boss. I can’t help you. I’ve done all I can, as has Ed Gandia, Naomi and The Freelancers Academy. They are EXCELLENT models of how it can be done honestly, ethically, authentically and over-the-top. But it’s also a lot of work and none of them did it overnight.

When you’re serious about doing this, let me know. If you’re not. Good luck at that day job. Drop me a note every now and then and let me know how that’s working for you.

Seth Godin blogged about selling the benefits of charity today. He said he’s fascinated by people who don’t see the benefits of giving.

He wrote and I totally agree:

I think marketers of causes that do good have a long way to go in selling the public on the core reason to give… don’t give because you get a tote bag, or a prize at the charity auction or even a plaque. The scalable unique selling proposition is that being part of the community is worth more than it costs.

A couple of people wrote to ask me, “What did he mean by that?” Hence this post:

That people who can most afford to give are the least likely people TO give because they don’t *need* the kind of connection to community that most charities are selling. They don’t benefit, or don’t think they really benefit from giving to the causes they’re approached by every day.

The people who give are those who recognize the value of their tribe or community and have a need for it. They tend to be conservatives. Those who give–the middle-class, the working class, the poor, the disenfranchised and those who really don’t have a lot to give, are the ones that also give the most! John Stossel did a great piece on this!

According to Stossel’s report and his interview with Syracuse University professor Arthur Brooks, “When you look at the data it turns out the conservatives give about 30 percent more. And incidentally, conservative-headed families make slightly less money.” Interesting that these are the same people whose *family values* center around community. 

Stossel points out that Brooks goes on to say:

• Conservatives are even 18 percent more likely to donate blood.
• The second myth is that people with the most money are the most generous. But while the rich give more in total dollars, low-income people give almost 30 percent more as a share of their income.
• Says Brooks: “The most charitable people in America today are the working poor.”

Why? It’s a God thing:

Brooks says one thing stands out as the biggest predictor of whether someone will be charitable: “their religious participation.” Religious people are more likely to give to charity, and when they give, they give more money — four times as much.

But doesn’t that giving just stay within the religion?

“No,” says Brooks, “Religious Americans are more likely to give to every kind of cause and charity, including explicitly nonreligious charities. Religious people give more blood; religious people give more to homeless people on the street.”

Wow.

I could go on and on. There are dozens of reasons people give, or don’t give to charity, but the two most compelling reasons anyone opens up their checkbook and writes the big one are because of exactly the reason Seth and John noted (COMMUNITY). But, they also do so out of a faith in something greater than themselves.

I donate to my local fire and rescue department and attend every all-you-can-eat event they hold. When I lived out west I bid on the 4-H livestock local kids were selling – usually at 4 to 6 times the market price of the meat like everyone else. I call my local Christian thrift store when I have clothing and books and old furniture to give away. I tithe. Why? Because community and my faith are important to me. I know when I support them, they support me.  It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

Most marketers rely on the pity factors, not the community factor:

• We’re so poor.
• We can’t afford it.
• We need your help.
• Without you it’s not possible.
• Look at the face of these children or this animal – how sad

Do they work? On some people. But not on most – which is why charitable donations have hit an all time historic low. But look closer at the statistics. The people who are still GIVING the MOST are the ones LEAST likely to be able to afford to give! WHY?

Because THEY understand the benefits of community and they believe in something greater than themselves. Can I say this too many times?

Penelope Trunk pointed this out in an awesome blog post about her son selling his pig at a recent 4-H auction. I read it because after writing about these 4-H sales for years, and bidding on animals myself, I wanted to hear a parent’s perspective. She writes:

“San Diego County has 3 million people and it raises $400,000 at their 4H auction at the county fair. Lafayette County raises $100,000 from a population of 15,000.”

What’s the key word here? COMMUNITY.

In a related post Seth says:

The goal of a non-profit seeking money needs to be to create an environment in which the community congratulates itself on overpaying.

It doesn’t matter if your community is rural farmers who struggle to put food on their own tables, or billionaires whose incomes rival that of a third world country and couldn’t spend all their millions if they had to to save their own lives. Until you understand their COMMUNITY (Tribe) is, and what matters to it, you won’t ever raise the money you want or need.

For instance, the TED community values ideas and conversations about ideas. I was told the average TED Global attendee pays from $7,500 to $15,000 for the WEEK LONG attendance at TED. For what? For blue sky and the intellectual experience of a lifetime essentially. If I had the money I’d spend it every year the value is that incredible and I’m a member of the idea community. When I was there I met people who sold their homes, cars and gave up jobs to attend. I know of three people who told me they would return home and be homeless, but that it was worth selling everything to attend TED. I agree. It was that amazing. Those are the people who see and value what ideas can do for community.

So, the value in the TED community is in the ideas, but it’s also in networking with others who value and see the value in ideas as strongly as you do. Some members of the TED COMMUNITY will give because they see that value. Do you belong to a community that’s so critical to you that you’d sell everything and even become homeless to promote and support it? There are many people who do. Find them.

If you’re trying to market a charity and convince people to give to your cause don’t waste time or resources on those who aren’t part of a community, or related to that community. They’re not buying and they’re not going to buy.

Identify who the communities are and how much your cause matters to them and why. Realize too there can be more than one community around the same issue/need/charity. Mark Horvath spends his time talking to the homeless and raising awareness among the general public about how hard, desperate and demoralizing homelessness is. He touches a lot of people with his methods and his message.  He’s raised money, gotten housing for people and touched thousands of lives. He knows his community.

My community and my message about homelessness is different from Marks – not better or worse, but different. My message is, “It happens to journalists, bankers, lawyers, doctors, engineers and even millionaires. It can happen to you. It happened to me. When it happens to you, or someone you know, or to a family member this is why it will suck for you, and this is why it sucks for others. This is not a moral issue. It’s a financial one.”

My message doesn’t resonate with most of Mark’s community and his message doesn’t touch very many of mine. That’s not good or bad. It just is – chocolate or vanilla. It’s just different. The reason that most of the people I’ve heard from resonate with my TED talk is not because they felt sorry for me, but because they’re in my community. They get it that we’re all a paycheck, a job loss, a serious illness away from homelessness and that it could happen to them. We’re a community of struggling boomers, creatives, writers, teenagers and professionals.

When they ask me what they can do I tell them to get involved locally, through their church, meals on wheels, or simply by donating an extra $1 to $10 a month on their utility bills. (Studies show that when families can’t pay their utility bills they’re more likely to become homeless soon afterwards. It cost more to rehouse someone than to keep them in the home/apartment where they already are. Your $10 a month is better spent helping pay someone’s utility bill than in buying someone a meal. Even better if you can do both, but given the choice between keeping a family of four in their home, or feeding a single homeless person understand you’re keeping four people off the street and out of that situation.

Mark’s community is the homeless man/woman on the street. Mine are often more likely to be those people struggling to stay off the street. Both are legitimate charities. There is no one is better than the other. One may feel more urgent, and which community you gravitate towards is up to you and depends on what matters to you. Don’t try to sell those who don’t feel the same on the urgency though – not unless you can identify the community they belong to that is affected.)

Anyway, my point being is that if you’re with a charity and you’re going after funds, you won’t succeed until you identify the community that cares. Do that and the hard work is half over.

No more rambling. I just felt compelled to point out that ALL giving, ALL charity is ALWAYS ALL ABOUT COMMUNITY. Understand that and you understand how to market to them.

One of my readers was asking about psychic abilities – the ability to know or sense when someone is going to call, or to know you’ve gotten a letter from a friend before you even open the mailbox – that sort of thing. What does it mean to have that?

Not much really. Because that ability is something we’re born with really – just like our other senses. When you learn to develop and use it, it can make your life so much easier. The easiest way to explain what is happening is to first take it out of the woo woo, magic, witches and psychic  mode. It’s like our sense of hearing or sight. That is to say that all that is happening is you are taking input and translating it into meaning.

The world is made up of vibration. Your personality vibrates, colors, sound, etc are all vibrations. That’s a scientific fact. When you hear sound for instance you’re “hearing” a vibration. Air move and strikes your eardrum and causes a vibration that is sent to your brain. That vibration is transmitted to our brain, creating neural pathways for other vibrations. Over time we learn to associate a word with that vibration, then we associate a meaning with the word. We call that process communication. When you get a sense that someone is going to call, or that there’s a song you haven’t heard you’re simply beginning to make the association between a vibration and its meaning.

Intent has a vibration, as does anger, fear, love and time. When we learn to read or hear the meaning of the vibrations then we increase our ability to communicate on another level. We develop our “sixth sense,” – the others being hearing, sight, sound, touch and taste.

My dog associates the sound of my keys with going for a walk, or the crinkle of wrappers with food. Same thing. You’re aware on some level of the vibrations of the universe and you’re making the connection. It’s not psychic or unusual any more than hearing is a gift. It’s how you polish and use and refine that ability that makes it special.

It only seems to be magic because it’s not understood. It’s no more magic than hearing, or sight, or speaking another language.

We come with those abilities, but then don’t develop them. Stop fearing your ability to take in your world and just allow it to happen. It’s like learning a new language. It comes with time and practice. There’s no woo-woo to it. It’s just an ability that most of us never develop because no one ever showed us how.

Hell Yeah or No from Derek Sivers on Vimeo.

When the tomatoes are hot and dry their skin gets thicker and tougher. When a big rain  hits or you get bored and decide to really *soak* the soil one day – the tomatoes absorb the extra water and swell – resulting in split skins. As long as bugs or disease haven’t gotten into the fruit, they’re still good to eat. They just don’t look as nice.

I was reminded at first of the Bible verse about not putting new wine into old wine skins – because the old skins would burst. The metaphor was essentially about not trying to inject new ideas into old systems. As much as I hate to admit it, for people, things and items set in their ways, or created for a different time – it really is better to do away with the old and bring in the new. Like tomatoes – too much change can split the skins that have toughened up in leaner times.

I have a 1975 Chevy van that I love. I lived in it for 18 months and have driven it now for six years. I only paid $750 for it, but I’ve put about $3,000 into repairs. It runs well and I’m emotionally attached to it. But the gas gauge is broken. The transmission is beginning to slip, it needs $800 in repairs to make it street legal (brakes, a defroster and ball joints). If I put the $800 into it I’ll get another year out of it easy – and that’s a lot cheaper than a car payment. But it’s on its way out.

I have an 11-year-old Rottweiler. She has two big fatty tumors that are unsightly, although not painful. She’s slower, calmer and not as sharp and peppy as she was six years ago. I love her dearly. But she’s nearing her end. I hope to have her for at least another two to three years – even though the life expectancy of Rotties is 9-years and she’s gone more than the distance for me and is pretty darn healthy – impressing even my vet who breeds Rottweilers.

I could go down a long list of things (including self) that have hit the tough skin phase of life and are on their way out. It’s bitter-sweet. The old is ending, the new – which I haven’t even seen yet – is on the far side of my horizon. I feel like my skin is about to split. It doesn’t have to split. As with tomatoes the key to preventing splits is consistency.

My dog is healthy because her routine, her diet, her exercise is fairly consistent. My van continues to run – even though it won’t pass inspection now – because the upkeep is fairly consistent. My exercise and diet – until last week – was consistent. When I say “consistent” I mean we bounce around a lot inside our lane, but we mostly steer clear of the shoulders, to use a driving analogy. I could do better and I’m trying to.

I’ve started a more detailed calendar and am making lists. I have a routine. I stick to the plan more than I abandon it. I never thought I’d like this kind of life, let alone embrace it, but I have to admit, there’s a lot to be said for consistency.

I’m not saying “don’t experiment,” or “don’t be creative,” or anything of the sort. I’m merely advocating for finding the things in your life that will benefit you if you’re consistent with them – things like exercise, cleaning, making lists, doing chores, running errands, keeping in touch with friends and clients, getting good health care.

My wake-up call about inconsistency began when I deviated from my trainer’s program. I started working out by myself to save money to fix the van. But without her there to act as a governor – and slow down my tendency to overwork – I started a cascade of inconsistency which resulted in injuries, kicking up  my fibromyalgia and a series of events that led to my workouts being totally derailed, my diet wrecked and my body in pain.

When I saw the reason for the tomato splits today I took note. CONSISTENCY works. Point taken.

My friend Patty Newbold just launched an online course on how to tell your spouse, partner, boyfriend that you’re going to make the entrepreneurial leap. Me? I wouldn’t do it without asking Patty’s advice, but then, I totally trust her wisdom. She’s the one who encouraged me to rewrite my TED talk until I got it right. She’s the one who pushes me more than any friend I have to dig deeper, go further and risk more with my writing. I cannot begin to tell you how instrumental she has been in my development as a writer. She’s incredible. So, unasked, no affiliate, nothing in this self-promotion except a chance to promote and help Patty and anyone who takes this course – I’m urging you to check it out!! Check out her blog at: http://assumelove.com too.

I’m promoting this new course she has because I think it will rock. I KNOW it will rock. EVERYTHING from Patty always does. SHE should be a TED speaker on the subject of marriage because she has such a grasp of what it takes to actually thrive in a relationship. If you’ve seen positive changes in me, attribute them in large part to Patty. Anyway, here’s the link. Now GO!! http://www.enjoybeingmarried.com/selfemployment/