“Oh,” she said. “So how long do you think it will take you to clean up your room?”
The girl’s eyes rolled around in her head.
“Mom! Not more than 15 minutes,” she said.
“How long did it take last week?” mom asked.
The girl frowned.
“All morning.”
“But it’s cleaner this time, so it’ll take less time?” the mother prodded.
At stake was a movie matinee apparently.
The conversation continued. The kids had been promised pizza and movie if they finished their chores, cleaned their rooms and finished their homework. If they didn’t get it all done, no movie. No pizza.
What was so fascinating about the conversation for me was how the mother kept coming back, not to nag, but to ask questions about time.

She reminded her children of the reality of time, not challenging the endless sense of time that children have, but getting them to look at how long things really took, not what they thought they took. Apparently her prodding worked. By the time the conversation had gotten around to taking out the trash the meter was clicking and at least the oldest girl had figured out she was going to have to hustle if she wanted to make that pizza and movie deadline.

Last year I started using a FREE app for Macintosh called TimeEdition (There’s a PC version too). It allows you to track your time on projects, clients and whatever else you have going, at least as long as you’re on the computer. When you leave the computer for a few minutes it will shut itself off after giving a warning beep.

I started using it to track how much time I spent on email, on phone calls, on video games, on client projects and on just surfing. I wrote down my estimates first, then started using the tracker. It’s fast and easy to use — trust me, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be using it! I was stunned.

A client I liked and who had hired me on several ongoing projects began to send me periodic emails throughout the day. At first they were related to the current project, then they totally stopped being about the current project, but became about “possible” projects. I wasn’t charging her for the quick answers and comments, but I tracked it for a month. In 30 days I racked up a total of 12 hours, a little over 30 minutes a day every work day for a month. But no project came out of it, although she got a lot of work done herself by consulting me for advice on small items she then paid someone else to do.

It was more like some days were 10 minutes, some were 45, but looking at my print out, I could see she had nibbled away 12 unpaid hours of consulting and advice for free. It was not her fault — It was mine for allowing it to happen. I sent her the printout and told her that I valued her as a client and a casual friend and wanted to continue our working relationship, but the next month I needed a $1,000 retainer if she wanted to continue to use me to “tweak” her emails, or advise her on different marketing ideas. She was offended. She didn’t think “a few minutes here and there” was something I should charge her for since she was a client, even if they were non-project related. Normally I would have agreed, and did agree until I saw how those “few minutes” every day added up to about $1,200 worth of billable hours a month. She was getting more free time from me than she was spending in services each month. Now I knew why.

When I returned each of her emails the next month with a reminder of our conversation and an invoice, I honored my boundaries, but apparently she didn’t respect them or my time. So she disappeared. I wasn’t too upset since I had just reclaimed 12 hours of my life each month.

I thought about that when I heard the mother talking about a more realistic approach to time management. Even as adults most of us (especially creative types) really don’t have a realistic view of what something takes. I recently quoted a new client $35,000 for a full length business book he wanted ghosted. 250 pages, lots of resources, footnotes and interviews and about a year’s worth of time plus all my writing from scratch. He was stunned. He said, “I can get someone on Elance to do it for about $500,” he said. And I smiled. “And you’ll get a $500 job.” [Ghostwriting is NEVER about the money, always about the value. You may pay someone $500 to write a book, but if no one reads it, you lose money. If you pay $35,000 and the reading is so good that people can't put it down, and recommend it to all their friends, you got a bargain for the $35,000 price tag.]

People tell me that I’ll never have people standing in line to knock down my door to ghost write at that price. I remind them I don’t need people knocking down my door or standing in line. I need one person, not 100. I’m 56. I don’t think I have several hundred full-length books worth of time left in my life. So I don’t worry about lines. I wait patiently for the handful of people who get me, want my writing and value what I bring to the project in terms of life experience, writing skill and personality. And that? I have time for.

How do you invest, spend or piddle away your time? Do you know? How much time do you give away? How many billable hours are lost? How much time do you give yourself for your own projects? Time. Start thinking about it differently. You may not have as much of it left as you thought you did.

I have learned we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves. So I cut the cord, notified everyone who was draining more than they were filling and reorganized my boundaries and priorities. It felt good. I am not responsible for people’s success. They are. Unless they are paying me, or reciprocating in kind, for me to keep helping others more than I’m helping me is a no win situation for me. When you have more energy, like money, going out than coming in, eventually you’ll be empty. I don’t want to be empty, bitter, sick. So I’m saying YES to me by saying NO to others.

Don’t worry. I factored in X amount of time to give to non-profits, individuals and charities that I passionately support and love. They don’t have to give anything in return or reciprocate. They are recipients in the most joyful way I know how to give. But the able-bodied and financially capable who just don’t want to spend the money to get what they want (more money), are going to have to go it alone. I wish you well.

We all make our best choices and I’ve made mine. Here’s to my better health, peace of mind and a kinder, more loving spirit as I finally take care of me like I’ve been taking care of so many others. Yay!!!

Seth Godin blogged about selling the benefits of charity today. He said he’s fascinated by people who don’t see the benefits of giving.

He wrote and I totally agree:

I think marketers of causes that do good have a long way to go in selling the public on the core reason to give… don’t give because you get a tote bag, or a prize at the charity auction or even a plaque. The scalable unique selling proposition is that being part of the community is worth more than it costs.

A couple of people wrote to ask me, “What did he mean by that?” Hence this post:

That people who can most afford to give are the least likely people TO give because they don’t *need* the kind of connection to community that most charities are selling. They don’t benefit, or don’t think they really benefit from giving to the causes they’re approached by every day.

The people who give are those who recognize the value of their tribe or community and have a need for it. They tend to be conservatives. Those who give–the middle-class, the working class, the poor, the disenfranchised and those who really don’t have a lot to give, are the ones that also give the most! John Stossel did a great piece on this!

According to Stossel’s report and his interview with Syracuse University professor Arthur Brooks, “When you look at the data it turns out the conservatives give about 30 percent more. And incidentally, conservative-headed families make slightly less money.” Interesting that these are the same people whose *family values* center around community. 

Stossel points out that Brooks goes on to say:

• Conservatives are even 18 percent more likely to donate blood.
• The second myth is that people with the most money are the most generous. But while the rich give more in total dollars, low-income people give almost 30 percent more as a share of their income.
• Says Brooks: “The most charitable people in America today are the working poor.”

Why? It’s a God thing:

Brooks says one thing stands out as the biggest predictor of whether someone will be charitable: “their religious participation.” Religious people are more likely to give to charity, and when they give, they give more money — four times as much.

But doesn’t that giving just stay within the religion?

“No,” says Brooks, “Religious Americans are more likely to give to every kind of cause and charity, including explicitly nonreligious charities. Religious people give more blood; religious people give more to homeless people on the street.”

Wow.

I could go on and on. There are dozens of reasons people give, or don’t give to charity, but the two most compelling reasons anyone opens up their checkbook and writes the big one are because of exactly the reason Seth and John noted (COMMUNITY). But, they also do so out of a faith in something greater than themselves.

I donate to my local fire and rescue department and attend every all-you-can-eat event they hold. When I lived out west I bid on the 4-H livestock local kids were selling – usually at 4 to 6 times the market price of the meat like everyone else. I call my local Christian thrift store when I have clothing and books and old furniture to give away. I tithe. Why? Because community and my faith are important to me. I know when I support them, they support me.  It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

Most marketers rely on the pity factors, not the community factor:

• We’re so poor.
• We can’t afford it.
• We need your help.
• Without you it’s not possible.
• Look at the face of these children or this animal – how sad

Do they work? On some people. But not on most – which is why charitable donations have hit an all time historic low. But look closer at the statistics. The people who are still GIVING the MOST are the ones LEAST likely to be able to afford to give! WHY?

Because THEY understand the benefits of community and they believe in something greater than themselves. Can I say this too many times?

Penelope Trunk pointed this out in an awesome blog post about her son selling his pig at a recent 4-H auction. I read it because after writing about these 4-H sales for years, and bidding on animals myself, I wanted to hear a parent’s perspective. She writes:

“San Diego County has 3 million people and it raises $400,000 at their 4H auction at the county fair. Lafayette County raises $100,000 from a population of 15,000.”

What’s the key word here? COMMUNITY.

In a related post Seth says:

The goal of a non-profit seeking money needs to be to create an environment in which the community congratulates itself on overpaying.

It doesn’t matter if your community is rural farmers who struggle to put food on their own tables, or billionaires whose incomes rival that of a third world country and couldn’t spend all their millions if they had to to save their own lives. Until you understand their COMMUNITY (Tribe) is, and what matters to it, you won’t ever raise the money you want or need.

For instance, the TED community values ideas and conversations about ideas. I was told the average TED Global attendee pays from $7,500 to $15,000 for the WEEK LONG attendance at TED. For what? For blue sky and the intellectual experience of a lifetime essentially. If I had the money I’d spend it every year the value is that incredible and I’m a member of the idea community. When I was there I met people who sold their homes, cars and gave up jobs to attend. I know of three people who told me they would return home and be homeless, but that it was worth selling everything to attend TED. I agree. It was that amazing. Those are the people who see and value what ideas can do for community.

So, the value in the TED community is in the ideas, but it’s also in networking with others who value and see the value in ideas as strongly as you do. Some members of the TED COMMUNITY will give because they see that value. Do you belong to a community that’s so critical to you that you’d sell everything and even become homeless to promote and support it? There are many people who do. Find them.

If you’re trying to market a charity and convince people to give to your cause don’t waste time or resources on those who aren’t part of a community, or related to that community. They’re not buying and they’re not going to buy.

Identify who the communities are and how much your cause matters to them and why. Realize too there can be more than one community around the same issue/need/charity. Mark Horvath spends his time talking to the homeless and raising awareness among the general public about how hard, desperate and demoralizing homelessness is. He touches a lot of people with his methods and his message.  He’s raised money, gotten housing for people and touched thousands of lives. He knows his community.

My community and my message about homelessness is different from Marks – not better or worse, but different. My message is, “It happens to journalists, bankers, lawyers, doctors, engineers and even millionaires. It can happen to you. It happened to me. When it happens to you, or someone you know, or to a family member this is why it will suck for you, and this is why it sucks for others. This is not a moral issue. It’s a financial one.”

My message doesn’t resonate with most of Mark’s community and his message doesn’t touch very many of mine. That’s not good or bad. It just is – chocolate or vanilla. It’s just different. The reason that most of the people I’ve heard from resonate with my TED talk is not because they felt sorry for me, but because they’re in my community. They get it that we’re all a paycheck, a job loss, a serious illness away from homelessness and that it could happen to them. We’re a community of struggling boomers, creatives, writers, teenagers and professionals.

When they ask me what they can do I tell them to get involved locally, through their church, meals on wheels, or simply by donating an extra $1 to $10 a month on their utility bills. (Studies show that when families can’t pay their utility bills they’re more likely to become homeless soon afterwards. It cost more to rehouse someone than to keep them in the home/apartment where they already are. Your $10 a month is better spent helping pay someone’s utility bill than in buying someone a meal. Even better if you can do both, but given the choice between keeping a family of four in their home, or feeding a single homeless person understand you’re keeping four people off the street and out of that situation.

Mark’s community is the homeless man/woman on the street. Mine are often more likely to be those people struggling to stay off the street. Both are legitimate charities. There is no one is better than the other. One may feel more urgent, and which community you gravitate towards is up to you and depends on what matters to you. Don’t try to sell those who don’t feel the same on the urgency though – not unless you can identify the community they belong to that is affected.)

Anyway, my point being is that if you’re with a charity and you’re going after funds, you won’t succeed until you identify the community that cares. Do that and the hard work is half over.

No more rambling. I just felt compelled to point out that ALL giving, ALL charity is ALWAYS ALL ABOUT COMMUNITY. Understand that and you understand how to market to them.

When I first began writing for pay I submitted 17 articles before I received my first rejection letter. I counted them because the Writer’s Market how-to book I considered my bible, spent a great deal of time talking about rejection letters.

I assumed I had to get at least 100 before I sold an article. So when everything I sent out sold, I was confused. After all, the Writer’s Market spent SOOOO  much time reassuring writers and talking about the inevitable, soul-crushing rejection letters that I was getting nervous, wondering what I had done wrong because I WASN’T getting them!

As a matter of fact, everything I read about writing back then talked about rejection letters. The whole act of getting a rejection letter was a BIG DEAL. It hurt. It caused people to retreat into closets and sob. It drove many to suicide. I feared that first letter. I heard only horror stories about “the letter.” However, being rejected, apparently, is a rite of passage if you want to be a writer. EVERYONE gets rejected. EVERYONE. It means you’re putting yourself out there.

Yet, writers talk about rejection letters as though editors WANT to destroy writers. Most don’t. Some do, I’m sure – there are sociopaths in every field, but it’s only occasionally truly, truly personal. Given the off-base, un-researched and clueless query letters I’ve read as an editor there are times I’ve wanted to reach out and shake the writer and ask, “What were you THINKING?!” but, it was the letter, not them as a person I was upset with. Overall editors WANT you to have a great idea. It helps them. After all – they’re looking for good stories. It’s up to YOU to come up with the idea!

When I finally received that first rejection letter however my reaction was, “What the %*#@?” They liked the query and my clips they said, but it wasn’t quite what they were looking for. I went back and researched the magazine and the idea further, then I rewrote the query and sent it back. It was accepted the second time around. I just needed a different angle. NO BIG DEAL. I  encountered the rejection letter and survived! After that I quit counting or keeping track of who rejected me or why. I had faced the “monster” and found it was the very big shadow of a very small mouse. It wasn’t personal. The publisher just couldn’t use my idea. They weren’t rejecting ME.

It was no different from me going to a store and NOT buying whatever the merchant was trying to sell me. It wasn’t personal. If I didn’t want what they were selling, I didn’t buy. I didn’t stop looking, but I knew what I wanted and kept looking for it. That’s what editors are doing. They WANT to buy, but they know WHAT they want to buy and they’re looking for it in every query letter. That realization took the sting and the fear out of submitting query letters and articles. I learned that the better I researched the market or publication, the more likely I was to be able to spot what they DID want and need and could sell them.

I remember the bare details of only one rejection letter – which was really just two scrawled lines and a signature I could barely make out, but still a nice and personal note from Stan Lee in the 1980’s (yes, the cartoon book god). He couldn’t use my query idea, but told me he liked my clips and to keep writing, that I was good. I held onto the note for years, then lost it during one of my serial moves from the east to the mid-west. Looking back at that I know I didn’t research the market or their needs as well as I should have. They liked my writing, but I wasn’t selling something they needed. Nothing personal at all. As I move forward with my books, I remember that daily! So when someone called me today to cry on my shoulder about their most recent rejection, I decided to write about dealing with rejection letters. Then the mail came.

I recently won my second blog writing contest at RedRoom.com, a site for authors. The prize is always an autographed book. It came today. How serendipitous! Write That Book Already! The Tough Love You Need to Get Published Now

It’s serendipitous because of the friend and this blog of course. Anyway, I opened the book and the first thing I see is a chapter about rejection letters and how various authors dealt with them when they started writing.

Stephen King talks about saving his rejection letters and putting them on a spike he drove into his wall. At one point the load of rejections was so heavy the spike fell out of the wall, so he began piling them up on his desk. EVERYONE gets rejected! I have been. All writers have.

I’m sure I’ve been rejected in the hundreds of times. I don’t know. I just don’t keep track. I get far, far more acceptances, so why should I focus on my rejections purely to collect the numbers? I guess maybe one day I’d like to go back and point out how many people/publishers rejected my books maybe so I can make fun of them if I’m ever famous and invited to speak at a commencement service for some Ivy League school, but what’s the point? And being able to say 12 publishers rejected me before I found one and made them a BILLIONAIRE, like JK Rowling, might be a great story. (Yes – TWELVE publishers rejected Harry Potter before one took a chance on him. Don’t you know they’re STILL kicking themselves?) Again – I have to ask, “Why focus on failure?”

Should You Save Your Rejection Letters?

If you’re going to save your rejection letters, have a reason. Wallpapering your bathroom isn’t a reason. Putting them in your bird cage is legitimate – they actually serve a purpose. 99% of all rejections are form letters. If they are – then toss it, shred it or recycle the letter.

• If you have captured an editor’s attention enough to merit a personal note – then save it. Read the note and try to understand why they took time out of their insane day to bother to communicate with you. Then silently thank them. They have given you the gift of feedback!

Remember their name. Follow their advice. Submit again. Be polite, humble and appreciative. Editors have long memories and they’re really, really, really good with names. If you’re rude, unprofessional or a jerk, they’ll remember you.

• Save your rejection letters if you need a hobby.
• Save your rejection letters so you can prove to your parents that you really aren’t just sitting in your room daydreaming about writing – you’re really trying!
• Save your rejection letters if the editor is a famous author in their own right.
• Save your rejection letters if they give you detailed information that will help you become a better writer.
• Save your rejection letters to help you track submissions and ideas.
• Save your rejection letters to help you gauge your improvement or acceptance rate over time.
• Save your rejection letters so you can keep track of editor’s names.
• Save your rejection letters to motivate you and remind you you’re one step closer to acceptance.

In other words, find a REASON to save your rejection letters OTHER THAN as a way to beat yourself up.

Reasons NOT to Save Your Rejection Letters

If you don’t have a good reason for saving your rejection letters, here are some reasons not to save them:

• Don’t save your rejection letters so you have an excuse to throw a pity party.
• Don’t save your rejection letters so you can go back and sneer at the editors when you’re finally rich and famous. One, they probably will have been laid off, fired or died in that time, or two, they really won’t care – unless you’re the next JK Rowling. Resentment can cause cancer and you don’t need that. Get over it.
• Don’t save your rejection letters to help fuel your depression or as a reason to indulge in alcohol or drugs.
• Don’t save your rejection letters to read and reread when you’re drunk or high and bummed out.
• Don’t save your rejection letters as proof that you’re a bad writer. You’re trying to SUCCEED, remember?

If you need to beat yourself up, or if you really like feeling like you’re a bad writer, or you simply have some sick, perverse need to pile up confirmation of your unworthiness, then save the damn letters. But if you’re serious about being a writer save your rejection letters ONLY if you can find a reason and a way they can motivate you.

Clarity. So many of us want it, so few of us have it. Why not? Because we’re afraid to ask for what we need and what we want. We’re afraid to say “No,” for fear of offending someone or losing what we have already gotten. It’s tough enough to do with friends, but what happens when clarity with clients can make or break us? A friend sent me this video today and I loved it. It’s for creatives dealing with clients, but I think anyone who has a business can relate. It’s changed my perception and my way of doing things. I’ve lost some major clients because they refused to sign contracts and I now feel relief at having dodged a bullet!!!

None of us has a crystal ball, or are mind readers – not on the Hollywood level anyway. I’m intuitive, but even that isn’t always helpful. The one thing that can prevent so many of the hassles we have is clarity – clarity of thought, of speech, of expectations, of needs and wants and costs. This video helped me see that the struggles I have had with clients aren’t new – that almost all of us run into the same issues from time to time. But Mike offers solutions.

I’m certainly not always right and have been remiss in communicating my expectations and conditions to people. And I’ve suffered for it. So clarity, another aspect of healthy boundaries, is now on my list of life skills to hone. It will mean taking on less work, offending those who depend on muddled communications to get what they want, and working with more people and clients I enjoy.

My take-away from this video is that unless you believe in your worth and your value and are willing to stand up for it, you’re going to be used or taken advantage of by the unscrupulous. Most clients (certainly 95% of mine) are good people willing to pay for what they get and willing to pursue a mutually beneficial relationship with a provider. It’s that five percent that give me nightmares and migraines. Mike has some excellent advice, as does his attorney who also speaks on this video.

WARNING: Contains frequent references to the ‘F’ bomb in the beginning, but only for a few minutes in case you are offended. Very good advice.

2011/03 Mike Monteiro | F*ck You. Pay Me. from SanFrancisco/CreativeMornings on Vimeo.

Never say never because HOPE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY.
By that I mean never say miracles never happen. Never say “It won’t get better.” Miracles happen and it does get better. And yes, “Hope does find a way.”

Three years before that photo was taken I was living in a van in a Walmart parking lot – one of America’s invisible homeless. See my TED video here.

But I’m skipping ahead. I got to TED through a very circuitous route, one even the best writer couldn’t invent. Truth is stranger than fiction!!

Several years ago, shortly after having gotten OFF of the street (thanks to a well-timed remark by former journalist and Senior Vice President of NBC, Tim Russert) I signed up with elance.com. I began ghost writing ebooks for strangers through that site. I won a bid from a buyer who wanted me to “Write a book like Seth Godin.” I had no idea who Seth Godin was, but I Googled him, went to Barnes & Noble to spend the day reading all the books of his they had. I bought one – something about a Red Fez. And I studied his style and his voice and I wrote the ebook, made a couple hundred bucks and that was that.

I also signed up for Seth’s blog because I liked what he had to say about purple cows and business and being remarkable. Then I noticed he had some sort of contest or internship thing going on so I sent him my application and a letter and was shocked when he personally responded. The deadline had passed, but he didn’t blow me off or send a canned email. We chatted via email a few times, he seemed authentic and so when he invited readers to buy his book Tribes and sign up for a social network by the same name, only with three “i’s” (Triiibes.com) I literally scraped together my last $15 dollars or whatever and bought the book. I came so close to choosing groceries over the book, but something told me to buy the book. It changed my life.

Long story short - I thrived online in Seth’s new social media group http://triiibes.com, and I finally found the creative, passionate and authentic people and voices I’d needed for so long. One of those folks told me about a contest a friend of Seth’s was having and sent me a link to the site. I entered. Seth’s friend, Dan Pink, author of Drive, and The Adventures of Johnny Bunko (the book I wish I had written since I live my life by those six lessons) turned out to pick me as one of three finalists for the contest. The “winner” would have to get the most votes – first prize was a trip to TED Global. I was only vaguely aware of what TED was, but I urged friends to vote for me. It was a very close contest. Then, at the last minute Seth, unasked by me, stepped in and asked his readers to vote for me and I won by a landslide. Amazing. I won an all-expense paid trip to TED Global in Oxford, England courtesy of Dan Pink. Then another opportunity popped up – submit a story idea for a talk for the chance to be selected to SPEAK at TED! I was selected. The stars aligned. My friend Patty Newbold listened to me scream, “I’m speaking at TED!!!” for about 20 minutes and then promptly pushed me to write and rewrite and rewrite my speech until I had it as good as she imagined I was capable of. (I wrote it in my van of course – the one I’d been homeless in for almost 18 months).

THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS LONG POST!!!

The TED talk was very well received, which put me in contact with some amazing people, including Bob Poole, who introduced me recently to Tim Brownson who, along with co-author John Strelecky wrote and are giving away one million paper back books to people who are homeless, unemployed, underemployed, sick, disabled, recovering from illness or surgery or who just plain need a hand up, not a hand out. He thought we might have something in common – like helping people. We did.

By the way, if you are a charity or other organization that works with folks like that – you can get a case (or more!) of the books free – just by paying shipping charges. You can’t sell them – there’s a printed disclaimer on the book they’re not to be sold. But you can change a life by giving them away. $20 pays for a case of 60 books. Or buy a book for yourself for $25 and that $25 goes to pay for the printing of more books.

Serendipity has no end. It keeps building and building. I came home from the gym one evening and found an urgent message from Rabbi Issamar Ginzberg - who lives in Israel, but whom I met through HARO (Thank you Peter Shankman) when I responded to one of his requests for help. The Rabbi had purchased a “I Wear Your Shirt” day through I Wear Your Shirt, and he couldn’t use it. He explains all this through his blog post today – PLEASE click through and read it.

He asked if I knew anyone who could, and of course I thought of TIM!!! So the Rabbi graciously and generously GAVE his day to Tim to promote “How to Be Rich and Famous” – the giveaway to help people. I told Christina Ciani about it, Christina is an amazing writer, single mom and author of her most recent book “F-Bombs for Single Moms” (It’s not what you think, so check it out. F = Frugal, F=Fun, F = lots of things besides, well…you know.) Well, she got all excited and SHE bought a couple of cases of books and started handing them out…and then posted photos of the people she gave them to on her blog!

So, all this HELPING people is spreading…a LOT. And we need YOUR HELP to  make it spread even more. Please tweet or post any of our blogs about Tim’s book to your people, your blog, your facebook page and help us help people who truly want to change their lives. Tim’s book is fantastic – awesome and the best step-by-step method for becoming happy (and even rich) that I’ve ever read. I’m not getting paid to help distribute this book. Tim and John are paying for it out of their pocket, and all of us, the Rabbi, Christina, Tina Stull (a Christian, female drag car racer) and Stand-Up for Kids.org (helping homeless kids get off the street) are all helping get the books out there. If you don’t want to hand out books, then please donate $5, $10 or $20 to Tim’s site so we can send those organizations cases of books so THEY can give them out.

What begin as a simple request to “Write like Seth Godin” has become an amazing journey across the world to help others. Please blog, tweet and keep sharing the message of hope. I had it and look what happened! From living in a Walmart parking lot to speaking at Oxford at TED Global, to reaching thousands of people around the U.S.A  – because like I said in my talk, “HOPE ALWAYS FINDS A WAY!!”

About this time of year in 1974 I was laying on my belly in a field somewhere in East Tennessee with machine guns going off all around me. I was in the middle of an ROTC Army Ranger field exercise. My M-14 was stretched out beside me and I was dressed in faded green fatigues. The day was perfect – sunny, mild, clear. I was in the woods and in my element and having the time of my life.

Four inches in front of my face was a perfectly star-shaped lavender purple flower, smaller than the fingernail on my pinkie finger – not quite the shape as the one in the photo – but close. As I listened to gunfire and shouts I remember it occurred to me that I was the only person on the entire planet, in the entire history of the planet that would ever see that one tiny, tiny perfect flower. In all of eternity and the course of humanity, I was the soul – the one soul – outside of God – who would see and appreciate that flower in each delicate, perfect detail. That thought has stayed with me and I think it will be the last I have on earth – that something so wonderful, intricate and beautiful was created and I was the only person ever – to experience it. I thought about that again this morning as I walked my dog through the woods and was surrounded by thousands of the same flowers.

The things we remember, and why we remember them is, as Agatha Christie said, “Odd.”

I remember the first time I heard the sound of rain on a tin roof – at Standing Stone State Park on my first vacation when I was seven.

I remember the first meal I ordered and paid for by myself with money I “made” by collecting it from the change people lost when diving off the diving board in the pool at that same state park that same year. It was a cheeseburger and a coke and it cost me 50 cents – a dime for the coke, 35 cents for the burger and a nickel extra for the cheese.

I remember how soft the fur of my first kitten was and how she died the day after we got her because the vet botched her neutering. I remember the vet was fat, smoked a cigar while he talked to us about the death and didn’t seem that freaking concerned about it – “Happens all the time,” he told my dad. I remember I wished someone would neuter him (whatever that meant) and he would die. To this day all cigar smoking vets are, in my mind, heartless assholes.

I remember how to disassemble, clean and reassemble an M-14, something I haven’t had to do in 30 years and a skill I hope I never have to need again.

I remember how I used to tie my shoes before someone taught me the “right” way.

I remember the sound a metal bar makes on a carnival ride when you’ve latched it properly – memories of a summer spent working at Elitches’ in Denver.

I remember my first kiss.

I remember the sun on my face and how it felt to fall asleep in an old red Adirondack chair in a field of buttercups in my aunt’s back yard.

I remember my first pony ride – and the first time I rode a train.

My list could go on for days. I savor those memories as often as I can because they form the foundation for my stories. If you can’t remember the intimate moments, the simple moments of your life, you can’t tell even the simplest story no matter how clever or gifted a writer you think you are. Why? Because it’s those simple elements that become the iconic moments of our lives. They define us in ways we don’t even recall. It’s when you tap into the iconic, the character forming, the intimate that you tap into story. Knowing why you remember is important, but remembering is the most important of all. It’s a writing exercise so many of us rarely practice. Try it today.

What do you remember?

eBook Creator & Ghostwriter

I’m still playing with it, but I will say I’m impressed with the clean, simple graphics, the colors and the intuitive interface. I’m in the process of adding information and articles, but I think it’s going to add to my client base. It’s free, so check it out yourself. http://thumbtack.com. They provide a variety of free, easy to paste into your website banners and graphics (both graphics on this post are from the site and automatically generated when you sign up). You can also go there to look for providers in your area. Let me know what you think. Helpful? Not helpful? Why?

eBook Creator & Ghostwriter

I just read a classic description of an outrageous practice called “Idea phishing.” It’s something that plagues a lot of writers and graphic designers and I’ve never seen it more clearly explained than in this blog post on Freelance Switch.

What is Idea Phishing: A company or individual asks for a sample of your copywriting or design – normal. But, the twist is they want you to demo your skills on some aspect of THEIR business. They then steal the idea and give it to a third world provider willing to work for .30 cents an hour to execute. You however, are screwed. You just gave up an idea and lost your time, value and idea. They gained everything. The only way around this is to have ANYONE who wants such a demo sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement in which you retain the copyright of your work. I have been cheated this way by a Jewelery store in the UK, by two chiropractors in the mid-west (not home of moral values at all apparently), a terrorist-expert in London who found me through elance – don’t worry, I cc’d the FBI and DHS on all our correspondence, and by other clients who I think didn’t realize that what they were doing was immoral and unethical. They were just plain ignorant of how things work – and thought they were being clever.

The Karmic implications of such actions are their own consequence. But there’s something even more important you need to consider before you think this is a great idea and try it yourself.

(1) Any great designer, copywriter or creative is great because they offer the whole package – idea, implementation and big picture as well as attention to details and the ability to tweak, improve and innovate as they go. Just because you get a great idea from somewhere or someone doesn’t mean you’ll get the entire meal. If you have ever asked for the recipe for a great entre at a 5-star restaurant and tried to prepare it yourself at home you know it never tastes as good as the chef’s work. Why? Because YOU are not a chef. There are things chefs know about cooking and heat and seasoning and flavor and product/meat/ingredient selection that you don’t. A third-world, .30 cent an hour provider is a monkey – copying something – not creating something.

(2) A great designer can suggest changes, make additions or provide collateral material and ideas as the project progresses – all things that enhance the value of the idea and the project. Your copy-cat intern, or student just out of college and underbidding just to get a portfolio can’t do that.

(3) When you phish (STEAL) ideas and their execution (photos, layout, copy) you may run the risk of seeing that idea better executed for someone else who then sues your sorry, thieving, worthless, evil ass for stealing their idea – the idea and execution they paid real money for to the same provider you STOLE the concept and work from. Only unlike the provider they actually have the legal chops to chase you down and castrate you. And guess who their prime witness will be? Yep. The provider and their correspondence with you.

I used to be much more forthcoming with ideas and concepts. I’m not so much anymore. I’m vague and general now for a reason. If you want to pay me, or sign an NDA, I’m happy to be generous. For the rest of you wanting samples? I have a portfolio.

I read it a couple of days ago, but I had to roll it around in my head for a while before commenting. Why? Because it took me to my knees with the truth of it. Okay, Dan is not only the author of my favorite book of all time, The Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You’ll Ever Need but Dan is the man who got me to TED Global a couple of years ago and sat on the front row during my TED talk. He had to call in some favors to get his seat down front since it was standing room only and no one else was being allowed in. I think he is an incredible man and the most humble and insightful people I’ve ever met.

So Dan is amazing. I’ve written about him for Motivated Online Magazine, and read all his books and follow his blog. He always has great stuff, but this was a standout piece. Essentially he says, de-emphasize passion and re-emphasize doing. He urges people to think NOT about what they’re “passionate for,” but what they simply like to do. It’s well-written and his examples are wonderful. What bowled me over about it is that I’m writing for a living – something I do well and something I love, but it’s hard to get out of bed in the morning and sit at the computer and write. I  just wasn’t feeling the “passion” for what I do. I thought, well, maybe I’m not passionate about writing. So I started noticing what I do when I’m not working on an assignment. And what I do “for fun” and so on.

Wow. When what you do for a living is so close to what you do for fun – it’s a subtle difference this passion and doing thing. It took this article to open my eyes.

What I love doing is teaching, coaching and helping. I come alive and feel “in the zone” when I can connect with someone and help them write better, or share information or insights about their writing, their work, their company. I get to do some of that with my clients – and they benefit because I love it so much I often do it as extra value and don’t charge for it, and I do a lot of that with my friends. But I make my living writing content FOR other people. I like the kudos and appreciation and the writing challenges, but in a different way.

So I started thinking about Dan’s article and realized that what makes me light up is NOT writing content FOR other people. What floats my boat is actually working with people who want to write their own content. One feels like work, the other feels like love. There’s just something about having someone see the light, understand what they’re not doing as effectively as they could be, and then seeing them change their writing and their life.

The other thing I love is working on my own books. I can zone on that and write non-stop for hours and crank out a 25-page book a day if I had the time. I just LOVE it! So when Dan Pink said what would you do, or what do you when you’re not working – my response was immediate – I write for myself. There’s never hesitation, or a lack of what to do, where to start. So, that’s where I’m moving. I’m going to start putting my love into what I love to do and quit worrying about passion. It’s like that old romance novel truism – your soul mate is often the best friend you overlook while looking for love.

If you’ve ever worked a 9-5, cubicle monkey, clock punching, owned-by-the-man kind of job you know about the 5-10 minute break and all the stress generated by taking it, wanting to take it, or knowing when to take it without pissing off your employer. In spite of a belief to the contrary, only 21 states have “break laws” that force employers to give their employees a break from work to rest, eat or use the restroom.

Those states and their laws are detailed here. Most of the businesses that have those laws pay minimum wage, or close to it, meaning that two 10-minute breaks every 8-hour day cost the employer about $2 a day or $10 a week. If you have 100 employees that can get into what seems like a lot of money, unless you consider the fact rested, fed and happy employees bring you a better return and more productivity, making those breaks an investment in your business. If your employees are salaried, chances are they are making less money because they’re working longer hours with fewer breaks.

Old school slave driving type companies resent the break. SMART companies not only insist on breaks, but also provide meals and even break rooms where employees can nap for 20 minutes if they need to feel refreshed. However, most companies still begrudge the breaks, the trips to the soda or coffee machine or even the lunch break where employees often sit at their desk and eat while working.

It’s that entitled “I’m paying you!” mentality of the employer/employee relationship that carries over, unfortunately, to the buyer/provider relationship. And it drives me nuts.

More than most I’m willing to work weekends and nights and long days to make a project happen. But I have and respect my limits. I know that without sleep, food, rest and some “down” time I can’t function. In the past I’ve ignored those signals from my body and suffered. So I pay attention now. I’m a good boss to me. I schedule breaks throughout my day for short naps, hot meals, a shower and walks with my dog and just time to “smell the roses” or daisies. I have a treadmill in front of my desk and if I feel stressed, I get on it for 5-10 minutes to clear my head, break a sweat and relax. I have a health condition aggravated by stress and if I don’t pay attention to my body’s stress signals – it breaks and I go down for days at a time. I work a 10-12 hour day, so I need those 30-minute naps, those walks, those “eat fresh fruit while sitting in the sun” snack breaks. All told, of the average 12 hour day at least two hours are pure breaks, 10 hours are solid writing/working. Not a bad balance. I’m working towards a 6-hour day, but I’m not there yet.

When I first started taking my self-imposed breaks I felt guilty – perhaps a life-time of working for employers who complained whenever I stopped work to go to the restroom or eat lunch kicked in. Whatever. It didn’t take me long to appreciate how taking care of my needs actually resulted not only in my feeling better, but in my getting more done. I have my lapses though. And I have my moments where I lie down for a 20-minute nap because I was up until 3 a.m. finishing a project and it turns into a 5-hour nap and then I really am behind! I realized I was buying into the factory mentality and I don’t want to do that.

I realized that a lot of the stress I feel over work and making people – as in clients, friends and family happy is that I need to make my boundaries clearer. So here goes:

I’m in the process of setting up a calendar that not only gets my clients’ needs met, it meets mine as well. I am a collaborator, a coach, mentor, publicist and writer. I’m not cranking out words at the word factory. I’m working with people I genuinely like and enjoy. I want to make sure they get the most value, the most bang for their bucks as possible – and that means a relationship of mutual respect – not angry emails or phone calls demanding to know why I’m not working instead of eating dinner, or taking a walk to destress. I am not a factory or an employee, and you are not my boss. We are working together to bring value and success to your project. You are paying me as you would pay a doctor or attorney or mechanic – for a service. I provide that service just as they do – on a schedule, for a fee. I bring expertise, experience, value and a sense of humor to the relationship and the service and I hope you bring the same – plus my fee!

So, for those of you reading this:

Value your time. It is all you have and once it’s gone, it’s gone. You don’t get it back. I don’t either, so I will respect your time and expect the same in return. I don’t mind questions, and quick phone calls, but I clock them (timetrade.com) and when they exceed my limit over the time/scope of the project – I will invoice you. That 30-minute call about how to adjust the size of a photo you’re emailing is one thing. Thirty minutes of detailed advice about marketing strategy is value and is billable. See the difference?

If I am helping you with a project (and I do help many people), please understand I do so out of the generosity of my heart, and in what time I have available. It is a gift I give because I want to, and because I have moments of my day I am willing to give up. It does not mean I am offering unlimited time, unlimited advice, unlimited support, or a free ride. Please accept what I can offer and be gracious when I say “No,” or when I don’t have time to do more. I prefer to help many people for 30-60 minutes rather than any one person for 10 hours. If what I offer is important enough and I provide value, you will find a way to afford to hire me for more.

If you are a client, I value you immensely! I treat you as if you are my only client, but the fact is, I have other clients too and I can’t always drop what I’m doing to respond to a crisis or emergency – no matter how much I may want to. I will if I can, but I have 8 to 12 other projects going on at any one time. I need to schedule time to do the work you need, and I need to charge you for that time.

Friends & family, I love you, but what I do is a business just as much as your 9-5 job is a business. I do charge friends and family for work – same rate. The value you receive is no less than the value I give clients, so why would I charge less?

I hope that clarifies some things! If not, drop me an email and I’ll try to respond more personally.

I’m not going to give away Ed’s tips, but I’ll tell you they’re right in line with the things I figured out this month as I was overbooked.

(1) I refer work to other providers - Ed also suggests taking a percentage of the revenue, or even jobbing the work out and adding a fee to the final cost to cover your end so you don’t lose a client entirely.

(2) Ask if the client can wait. This is my most popular and preferred method too. Most clients can wait and are willing to wait if they know you’ll be available soon. I can also juggle clients who may be able to wait or willing to let me move an urgent project to their slot in exchange for a discount. The client who is in a rush is often willing to pay more to move to the head of the line, and and existing project may not be time sensitive (often these projects are able to be finished in a few days or a week or two). The difference in price (more + less) evens things out and you’re able to take on both projects.

(3) I hate to turn away work so I will sometimes work longer hours or on the weekend for a client who doesn’t take advantage of that fact, and who is a prompt pay, easy to work with wonder.

(4) Turn the work away entirely. When things are going well and there are clients waiting in line for me to writ for them I will often turn away a lucrative, but difficult project in the sake of time and stress prevention. If I know a client is going to ask for numerous revisions, multiple changes and has a history of delaying the return of materials or getting me what I need until the last minute, or worse, is known for “scope creep,” I’m almost positive to say “No, not this time.” It’s nothing personal – just realistic. I don’t send work out I’m not happy with. If that means more time, it’s more time. But if I can do great work in less time I can do more work for more clients if they’re all willing and able to work with me.

(5) Raise my rates. Supply and demand right? If there are more clients than hours in the day, an increase in rates may be justified to help cut down on the projects. Or, look at the kinds of projects you want to do. I love doing design, but I want to write more. So, I may have to forgo the ebooks or raise my rates for producing them.

Those are my tips – Ed has his too, and more. So check out his site.

FINALLY

Scheduling is a bear. A tight schedule only works if and when clients meet their deadlines too. I’ve seen my entire workload collapse because two or three clients didn’t meet deadlines and I didn’t set boundaries or consequences. In the future I won’t let it go that far and have a process in place now for alerting them to added delays on my end if I encounter delays on their end.

Anyway, if you have time, check out the Freelancer’s Academy. GOOD STUFF!!

I was feeling pretty good about finishing up a magazine article recently until I looked at the contract and it said “17th” – not the “19th.” I had scribbled the date on my wall board, mistook the 7 for a 9 and missed my deadline. I remember being on the phone and “multi-tasking” as I was working, talking and scheduling. Bad move. The phone call wasn’t a business call, but a personal one. Wanting to help someone with something that I can’t even remember now, I screwed up my calendar. I sat back and felt like time was whizzing by me like the lights in the photo above.

Rude awakening here. The editor was gracious and can work with the 48-hour delay, but I’m mortified. I don’t like being late, missing deadlines. Up until only a few years ago I never missed a deadline. So what’s the problem? I’ve never been quite this busy and never had quite so many requests for help from people. Sure, I had friends before – but with social media and online contacts and a whole online world – I suddenly have hundreds of casual acquaintances.  I know dozens of folks I’d call more than acquaintances, plus a lot of clients who I spend time with, and a lot of potential clients who want to talk before committing to a project. It’s a nice place to be in – but a tough one. How do you prioritize when you value friends, clients and your life about the same?

That casual acquaintance could become a good friend, or that person I talked to on Twitter could be the next best client. It’s not easy to decide. The good thing about all this is I re-evaluated how much I ask of people and when I ask. I rarely ask anything of anyone I don’t know extremely well. But I’ve decided to re-evaluate even that. Am I respecting THEIR time? I’ve started looking at time so differently recently. It’s not like you make more time.

You can make more money, but time is finite. Am I wasting it or investing it?

For instance:

I got an email from a colleague at a publication where I worked at eons ago.   He had blown me off as a loser when I was homeless. I had forgotten all about him until I got the letter. He was convinced I was homeless because I was too lazy to “look for a real job.” He was recently laid off and is now on the verge of being homeless himself. He must be close enough to be desperate because he hasn’t spoken or written me in almost a decade. He Googled my name and saw I was doing okay and wrote to ask me for help finding writing jobs. I get about four letters like that a week from people, and I am happy to send folks my list. But he didn’t respond for weeks. When he did finally respond, his response was not, “Thanks!” but “I found something else, I don’t need your help.”  I thought, “how rude, how totally narcissistic of him,” and then I realized that of all the people I’ve sent that list and encouragement to – only one has ever responded positively, or followed up and really let me know that it helped. He was just blunt and rude. I think I’ve wasted my time there. I’m not going to quit helping, but I decided to clean up the email, add some more information and compile a simple ebook. I did and I’ve posted that on my website. In the future, I’ll send folks who ask the link. That will save me a precious four hours a week I can use to help people who are really serious about helping others or who do respect my time. I’m looking at other areas where I can do the same – cull the deadwood and nurture the live vines.

I’ve found some amazing folks online and it all started with reaching out and being helpful and friendly. I can’t fault anyone who sees something in someone and reaches out. I do it too. That’s how you find live vines and fruit. If you’re going to do that though, I ask that you consider a couple of things:

Is this person a freelancer? If yes, then they work at home/office but they’re still working. Just because they aren’t punching a clock for someone doesn’t mean their office door is always open for you to stop by and chat about your day, or ask them to send you seeds and horseshoes for Farmville, or to try to best your time in an online game.

Do not expect an instant answer to your email. Sometimes my email is backed up and it takes me several days to respond – particularly if it is a second response, or a comment on my blog. I’m sure others have similar things going on. Don’t assume you’re being ignored. Consider the fact the person may be busy and you  are not on the radar. If you want to get on the radar, craft a subject line for your email that says something besides “Can you send me a horseshoe?” I automatically delete all Farmville requests and add your name to my list of emails to read when I’m bored and nothing else in the universe exists to amuse me – as in “will never read.”

Is the person on deadline or busy? Are they racing out the door to pick up a kid or run an errand? When someone answers the phone ask, “Is this a good time to talk? I have a question and need five minutes of your undivided attention.” Or, “My dog died and I’m devastated and need to cry on someone’s shoulder,” or “I wanted to see if you can go to dinner this week.”  That way you (1) Ask about their needs first, (2) state how much time you need (respect and honor that – don’t let 5 minutes become 50. It’s your time too! (3) and why you need to talk to them. That way they can gauge their response.  Keep your calls to 10 – 15 minutes max – preferably to 5. That’s huge for  me. I’m a talker, but I’ve learned to love the 15 minute window – and the 5 minute one after that. If they say, “No, it’s not.” Thank them and say, “I understand. Talk to you later, good-bye.” Do not argue. Do not get mad or huffy. Do not try to convince them you just need a minute. Thank them and hang up. Your respect for their time will be noted and they won’t avoid your calls in the future.

Ask people when the “best time to call” is for them. For me it’s evenings. I am not a morning person.  Learn the generals of their schedule and abide by them. If you have a car wreck at 10 p.m. or some sort of true emergency, call anytime – but don’t call me because your kids are in school and you’re bored and want to chat. I’m working. Seriously. Don’t call every day unless you are a teen-ager talking to other teenagers. I got this great program called “Timetrade.com” and started clocking my “casual calls” and found out I was wasting almost 12 hours a week on “casual calls.”

Don’t just call to ask someone for favors. I have a growing list of people I never hear from unless it is to ask for a favor. They are never able to return favors, but have an unending list of things they want, need or would appreciate from me. Just a note – reciprocity rules. I have friends who only call with good news, or to check in, or to ask if I need anything at the grocery store, or if I need a ride (my van is dead right now). Those friends are golden.

If your request requires more than a simple answer, it’s a job. You’ll need to pay the person if that’s what they do for a living. I’ve had several high school and college friends “find” me online after years of no contact. They then tell me they’ve always wanted to write a book and want my advice and suggestions. I tell them to buy a copy of the  2011 Writer’s Market
subscribe to Writer’s Digest (1-year) (only $19.96), and to buy a copy of Storymill or Writer’s Dream Kit 4.0 and start writing. Spending an hour or two on the phone with an old friend catching up is one thing. Getting or giving professional advice is something else. I can’t think of any attorney or doctor I know from high school who would give me an hour’s worth of free legal advice for old time’s sake if I called out of the blue. Any doctor I know would say, “Sounds interesting – make an appointment and come into the office and we’ll talk.” Meaning – “I can bill you for it there.” If they’re serious about writing that book, they’ll take the advice and/or pay me for my time. The fact is, none of them are really serious about it. They just want someone to listen to their idea and stroke their ego and tell them how marvelous they are and how well-received the book would be. They want a moment of glory, thinking they can be on Oprah and live the romance of the writer’s life (hahahahahaa) for just a couple of hours before they go back to just thinking about writing their book. Sorry. Been there, done that, am designing the t-shirt now. I just don’t have that kind of time.

I have friends who are writers and we swap out, trade or work with each other on editing, reading and commenting – but when they say “No, I don’t have time to read it,” I respect that. And that’s what it comes down to. Some are even too busy to look at it when I am willing to pay them for the time. The fact is – we’re all too busy!

I could go on and on with the list of “don’t do this or that,” but the bottom line is, respect the person you’re calling. I enjoy and love my friends and clients and new people – but only when they recognize and respect me and my time as much as I respect theirs!

Back in 1980 something I was a forest fire fighter on the Malheur National Park Forest Fire. It was a huge fire at the time, several people killed or died (heart attack, stroke, several injured falling from helicopters and climbing sort of thing). Big mountains, big fire. Big dangers. In fact, I almost died on the mountain when a fire “blew up” during a night shift and my squad and another were trapped and encircled by flames. I’ll never know how truly close we came because the crew bosses never really told us anything other than “Get your shelters out and prepare to deploy them,” – actually it was closer to “We are so fucked! Get your shelters out!” The shelters in question we referred to as “shake and bake bags” since the aluminum tents were designed to keep you from burning alive when flames passed over. If you could hold the tent down around you, not breathe the hot gasses and fate smiled on you – you lived. If none of the above happened, you looked like a plump baked turkey when the recovery team came through. Fortunately for us we made it to a rocky, slate covered knoll, the wind shifted and we were not so screwed after all. But it was a scary freaking 45 minutes I promise you.

Anyway, forest fire fighting was wonderful work – but the hardest job I ever had in my life. It consisted  mostly, I kid you not, of running from place to place putting out brush fires. When we weren’t hiking in or out or scratching line breaks in the ground, we were putting out brush fires, or starting them in order to put other fires out. It seemed sort of silly to be in the midst of the largest fire of the summer with more than 10,000 fire fighters  stomping out little fires, or starting other fires, but then – it was the little fires that grew into big fires right? You’d think so. But what I learned was that our goal was not to save the mountain, but to control the fire.

That meant that not every little fire needed to be put out. Sometimes you wanted to start a fire. Fire in itself wasn’t bad. What you had to learn to recognize was what fire accomplished your objective (eliminating all fuel for the bigger fires) and what fire contributed to the problem (becoming a bigger fire). Knowing your objective was about controlling the fire was critical. People who thought the goal was “saving the mountain,” were out of luck. Given the size of the fire, that was impossible.

I learned THEN what I just remembered this week: ‘Not all fires are bad fires and putting out fires just to put them out can be exhausting and counter-productive.”

As the number of satisfied clients I have grows larger, so does my business. More clients, more work, less time = good things. However, as the demands on my time increase, so does the need to schedule my days more effectively and creatively. For awhile I’ve felt like I was in my first week of fire-fighting – putting out every fire but watching the big fire consume the mountain while I focused on the little fires. Now I’m learning to say no, and to pick and choose the fires I need to fight. It’s not pretty. Some people suffer, some clients get frustrated as I perfect my balancing and scheduling act. I have to say “No,” and I have to turn away work and I have to put limits on new work or on expansions of work while I juggle and adjust my schedule and my boundary setting skills. It’s not a raging inferno – not yet and not by a long shot. But I want to keep it that way. And that  means focusing on the goal – controlling the fire, not protecting the mountain. By controlling the fire, you do ultimately protect the mountain more than if you simply set out “to protect the mountain.”

Like most “crappy childhood” survivors I’m a people pleaser. I want to put out all the fires, and make everyone happy – at a cost to my health and sanity (the mountain). But I’m also a recovering people pleaser. So I’m saying “No, that won’t work for me right now,” or “I’d love to write another article, blog post, add twenty more pages to your ebook, but I can’t do it today.”

People used to demanding something and seeing me scramble aren’t happy. That used to bother me. I thought it was  my job to make everyone happy. As a child – that helped me survive. But it’s a sucky strategy for an adult. So, I’m learning to say “No,” more and more. As with all new skills you don’t master the moves, or the timing, or anything about it really – at least not initially. But I’m determined to get it so I keep plugging. The nice thing is life cooperates just like the mountain did. There were always more fires.

The new fire crews exhausted themselves, their water, their resources and their energy trying to “do it all.” The experts moved in, spotted the most critical fires or potential spots for trouble and dealt with those – then moved on – leaving a lot of fires in their wake, but having accomplished a lot with the ones they extinguished. They triaged the area, they didn’t try to save it all. They were concerned more with their own energy and resources and how best to utilize what they had to do. They did as much as they could for as long as they could without flaming out themselves. It’s a strategy. You can’t save the whole mountain. You have to pick what you do want to save and act accordingly. Ultimately they were able to bring the fire under control – their strategy from the beginning. They knew the mountain would heal itself in time. Their goal was not to “save the mountain,” but to “control the fires.”

It’s an odd concept, but a great one – one I’m elaborating on in a book. I hope you’ll return to read it later. I’ll post it when I’m finished. Meanwhile, don’t worry too much. Focus on the fires that matter, make sure they are under control – the others will burn themselves out. They will leave a scar, but it will heal in time. That’s life. But you’ll be okay.

You do not owe anyone your time. When you realize that, others will respect your time much more. – Martha Beck, Daily Coach Tips

I deliver value. I go 200% above and beyond for my clients. If they hire me to write a press release I often not only suggest markets for them, but often craft an extra version or two as a specific pitch for a couple of magazines they might stand a chance in. I’ve even been able to place two clients in national magazines with pitches I made personally to the editor on their behalf.

I suggest marketing and strategy plans for their ebooks. I don’t just design and dump. I care. I get involved. If they succeed, I reason, I succeed. The more business they do, and the more successful they are because of my efforts – the more I will be valued. I enjoy doing what I do and I think they do too. They get, as the saying goes, “More than their money’s worth.” I take pride in that. It’s part of my unique selling point – that kind of quality.

But lately I’ve noticed something happening. I am/was spending so much time over delivering – really over delivering, that I allowed added value to turn into client driven scope creep and not from my own availability and generosity. In other words I allow myself to be taken advantage of – giving added value I don’t have the time or resources to give every time – simply because someone has grown accustomed to such treatment in the past.  Scope creep is when I agree to write five pages of web copy for your new website, but then you also ask me to write a press release about the launch of the site, or ask me to write a couple of blog posts to kick off the site, or ask me to pen the intro to your first newsletter or write the copy for the auto-responder – as “part of the initial project’s scope,” meaning, for no extra pay. After all, you think – Becky can just “knock this stuff out.” It should only take her 10 – 15 minutes right? What’s 15 minutes?  A lot actually – but lest I digress…

Scope creep means the original project gets done, but then there are additional things that get added on. For instance, another example:

You decide to add on an extra room to the house for instance, and you plan and budget for that, only along the way you decide you want a bathroom and shower and a skylight added – things that weren’t in the original plan – or more importantly, weren’t in the original budget.

Or, you check your bank balance and have an extra $100 bucks and decide to go to the beach for the off-season weekend, stay in a no-tell-motel at $50 a night, and lie next to the water and read books and sleep and eat fast food to save money. But there’s a party and a concert and you run into friends who want to go to dinner at a fancy restaurant and you say, “What the hell, we’re at the beach – having fun – let’s go.” And your credit card takes an unexpected extra $100 hit you weren’t counting on. Scope creep.

Now, if you were the contractor and your client said, “Oh, you know, I was thinking we should add a bathroom and a skylight to this room,” you might have to adjust your schedule and the blueprints and make arrangements to extend your crew and what not, but that’s okay if you have the time and the crew. You’re making more money right? But what if the client says, “What do you mean you’re charging extra for that? You said you’d add on a room. I’ll buy the tub and fixtures, but, geesh, how much more time can it take to connect a few pipes? I can’t believe you’re going to charge extra for that! What kind of contractor are you?! You’re going to nickel and dime me on costs for this room? I can’t believe it!”

Insane right? But people don’t think twice about doing the same thing with writers and designers. Fortunately there are places like Freelance Switch who have great advice on handling scope creep.

It’s one thing for me to decide to be generous and add value, time and a little extra to your project because I’m feeling generous and love the project and happen to be in a good frame of mind, but it’s another to hear, “Can you just add a couple pages and rewrite this entire chapter. I know we agreed to do “A,” but after looking at it I want do do “M” and I know it’s more time, but it would make it look so much better. Oh, and by the way, I just wrote some blog posts to promote this book. Can you look them over and maybe tweak them for me? You know, add that special touch?” and then ASSUME I’m going to do it for free.

This happens so much to me I started seriously thinking I was going crazy, being selfish, or missing something. Then I talked to other designer friends and writer friends and figured it out. People are not used to hiring creatives. They’re used to an employee/employer mindset where they pay you $x amount of dollars per hour and then they try to get as much work out of you in that hour as they can – as they would an hourly wage earner. That’s fine – if you’re paying an employee. But I’m not an employee. I provide a specialized, valuable service for a fee. You can’t find anyone else that can provide my unique style, personality, value and connections. You can find other people who provide their own unique valuable style, but I’m the only Becky Blanton, writer, etc. etc. ME there is with the resources, skills, insights etc. That’s what you’re paying for – not the time. Not the widget. You’re getting value. I really liked what Thursday Bram had to say in her article on Freelance Switch about scope creep:

Say No.

“Especially if you’re working with a client that is newer to working with freelancers or the type of project you’re working on, he may not recognize how much work his requests require. Furthermore, many clients are willing to pay to make the changes they want to their project — they’re just not clear on what those changes may require.

But sometimes clients want more than what the project originally called for, without having to pay more. If that point comes around, the only option you may have is to put your foot down and say no. It may not be the best option for maintaining a long-term relationship with the client in question — but losing a client who doesn’t consider your time worth paying for is probably not the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.“
Amen.